Prioritizing key to less end-of-year stress

Dear V,

I am totally stressed out because I am in charge of this really big event for an organization that I’m a part of. I’m kind of worried that I’m spending way too much money but no one is telling me not to. In fact, they gave me the okay awhile ago. It’s too late now, but do you have any stress tips?


“Tearing my hair out!”

Dear Reader,

OK, you are so totally in luck because I recently attended a stress seminar and am now an expert on how to avoid those annoying bouts of stress. By the way, about this big event for which you’re spending tons of money that doesn’t belong to you-if they give you shit, just explain that you were never informed that it was not OK to spend lascivious amounts of dough. You are not to blame here, you’re only doing your job!

The fact is that a little stress is absolutely necessary for you live a healthy life. If you weren’t stressed-let’s call it teased-to get out of bed, you wouldn’t graduate from school, you wouldn’t marry a multi-billionaire and you wouldn’t have kids (though you’d probably be really, really skinny).

The key to dealing in stress lies in the perspective in which you view your crises. If you worry that failing your Scuba Test will deem you stupid and become the turning point in your life when everything “went downhill from there,” then it’s time to seek some mental clarity. You get food poisoning? Life goes on. You find your significant other locking tonsils with someone who isn’t you? Life goes on. You don’t get into Harvard Medical School? Life goes on, and Yale is a far better choice, in my humble opinion. Life still goes on, the sun will rise again, and you will still be you.

Time to whip out a piece of paper and start prioritizing. Did you know that when you write down your “to do” lists on paper, instead of keeping them all jumbled up in your noggin, your working memory doesn’t have to work so darn hard? I would highly suggest purchasing an attractive agenda that you will actually write in. Make sure to put those tasks that carry the most value at the top (completing 35-page English paper) and those that carry the least value at the bottom (getting wasted in the Grove, if that happens to be one of your priorities). Don’t do the tasks at the bottom of your list before you’ve completed every task above them; it wouldn’t be prioritizing if you could get wasted before turning in your paper. Also, turn that freakin’ cell phone off; your best friend can pick out her own outfit for that hot date and keep a multi vitamin, water and a comfy pillow handy. They’re essential tools for battling stress.

You know what they say about procrastination right? “Procrastination and masturbation are a lot alike; they both feel good at the time, but in the end you’re only fucking yourself.” On that note, don’t stress!



Fact O’ the Day…Vigorous sex burns between 100 and 200 calories per raunchy session…adi

April 15, 2005


The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami

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