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With leechy exes, you cannot always have your cake and eat it too

Dear V,

My ex-boyfriend is a leech. He calls me all the time and expects to see me at a moment’s notice. He’s a nice kid, but I don’t like hanging out with him during my free time. Also, I think that he still likes me, and that’s exactly why I don’t think that it’s healthy to see him all the time. How can I get rid of him without making a mortal enemy?

Help me V!

Dear Reader,

Ouch! A leech? Literally sucking the blood and the life out of you, I see. Exaggerate much? Anyways, I think the best approach with this one is to tell him directly that you have moved on and that you think it’s time for him to do the same. I think that it is possible to remain friends with an ex, but I don’t think that it’s possible to do it without a lot of sensitivity. It will be an awkward friendship at best, because you will always keep with you what you shared with him during your relationship, but that’s all that you will share; it’s hard for many people to accept the impossibility of reclaiming the past.

In your specific case, be gentle because if you’re not, you’ll completely crush him and gain an enemy in the process. And yes, you’re right, it’s not very healthy for either of you to see one another on a regular basis because it limits you both from moving on to brighter and better relationships with other people. Plus, he might perceive your willingness to hang out with him as an indication that you might want to get back together one day. In your case, I don’t think that it’s possible to have your cake and eat it too, if you get my gist, because he is still so attached to you. Wean him off, and keep yourself far away.

Best of Luck!

V.

Dear V,

What is HPV? I’ve heard that it is an STD, but I don’t know much about it beyond that.

Seeking Info.

Dear Reader,

Otherwise known as the Human Papillomavirus, HPV is actually the most common STD in the United States. Many scientific studies suggest that much of the population has been exposed to HPV because there are so many different strains of the virus. Likewise, one need not have been a whore to get the disease, it’s just that common. Many people don’t even know that they have HPV because they, in some cases at least, don’t show any symptoms. Men usually don’t show any symptoms of HPV. Furthermore, if you already have one strain of HPV, it is very possible to pick up additional strains from different partners.

The low-risk strains of HPV are most commonly seen in the form of genital warts (ew). The warts usually look like bumps and can take anywhere from a few weeks to years to appear, if they do appear at all. Some people only have one incident of warts, while others get the warts in cycles; when the warts are not present, the disease is in its latent phase and may or may not be contagious. There are several prescription creams available from a doctor to treat the warts, as well as many in office procedures that can burn the warts off. However, over the counter wart creams should never be used on genital warts! Obviously, the easiest way to protect yourself from warts is to refrain from engaging in sexual activity with someone who has visible warts, but even condoms won’t protect 100 percent because it is possible to get the warts in the entire genital region.

In women, the high-risk strains of HPV are linked to the development of cervical cancer. However, keep in mind that many women who have HPV are never diagnosed with cervical cancer. If a pap smear comes back with abnormal results, a female is diagnosed with cervical dysplasia which means that there are abnormal cell growths in the cervix. Additionally, one can be diagnosed with mild, moderate and severe dysplasia. Cervical cancer typically takes years to develop; however, it is important to consistently monitor any type of abnormal cell behavior to avoid being aggressively caught by the cancer. High-risk HPV is also associated with anal cancers as well.

Best of Luck! V.

Fact O’ the Day…The average ejaculation contains two calories and 0.1 gram of protein per serving…Seconds anyone?

Please submit all questions, comments or concerns to DearV@hotmail.com or to the Dear V box in the offices of The Hurricane. All submissions are strictly confidential. Dear V is published on Tuesdays and Fridays, and yes, V will respond to almost (don’t push it) anything.

April 1, 2005

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The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami


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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.