I have to admit; I am feeling a little gypped after my final spring break at UM. When I came to this school, I was definitely promised a handful of things: great education, small classes, lots of sun-not least of which was lots of HOT people.
So when I graduate on May 13 I will have a degree from the best university in Florida, check. I will have had super tiny classes in my majors, check. Minus the occasional rain storm, it’s been sunny the whole time, check. But after going to New York City I realized that Miami is seriously failing to live up to the stereotype of all beautiful people all the time, check minus.
I went to NYC for four days this past week and all my friends and I thought the entire time was, “who’s been keeping the secret that NYC is actually where all the hot people are?”
Every year Miami is deluged with students traversing the country to make it to our beaches and clubs to spend their spring break in Vice City. So it’s only natural that for a brief flash, Miami is hot, but only because there is an influx of thousands of college kids in a 10-block radius. And to all these thousands of active libidos, Miami must be heaven compared to their Podunk towns. The stoplights and 24 hour stores must help too.
So every night when I sat in my hotel room while the girls spent massive amounts of time getting ready, I had a little time to contemplate the reasons why Manhattan tips the hot people scale over Miami, the Mecca of the scantily clad and surgically altered. Is it the water there, like the reason why bagels and pizza taste better in the city? Do hot people make more money so they are able to live in the city?
And after a couple more inane thoughts, it finally hit me. New York City is so hot simply because of its sheer volume. It wasn’t that NYC specifically had a higher percentage of attractive people than Miami, but just that when you pack nine million people into one island surrounded by the projects and New Jersey, of course you are going to see more beautiful people.
Regardless of the reason, the truth is that New York City shames Miami in the quest to be the hottest city in the United States. That’s why I am petitioning to change NYC’s slogan from “the Big Apple” to “New York: Where the Hot People Are.” Sigh, Miami definitely loses the title of hottest, but at least it still has the sunshine and beaches. I definitely have that to look forward to.
Christopher Vasquez can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org.