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Crammed up to your ears in cream corn

Dear V,

I recently found out that one of my classmates is in a very well know pornographic magazine. I’m kind of weirded out about this for some reason, if not just genuinely shocked. I don’t know if I can look at her the same anymore. Also, how does one go about getting involved in porn? I’ve heard that the cash is good.

Sincerely,

Bunny.

Dear Reader,

So, I guess that you no longer have the same kind of dorky sympathy for this classmate. Was it really that out of the blue? Are you sure that the pictures aren’t crappy? I mean, not everyone can take a good photograph. Don’t be jealous! Maybe your classmate was super desperate for the attention and the money. Hopefully, you don’t just think of her as the “porn girl” playmate whenever she reads in class and completely write her off. There have to be a few brain cells knockin’ around underneath the boobs.

But, since you were wondering about getting involved in the porn industry, I dug up a few basic facts on what kind of career you can expect to lead. According to a source, “porn is very demanding both mentally and physically,” and is not just for the average crazy bored kid looking for a good taped time. The big magazines, on the other hand will pay you a ton of cash-anywhere from $500 dollars to $20,000 dollars for a layout -if you make their cut. Obviously, you need to have an awesome body and the brains to not let yourself get out of hand or into trouble. The jury is out as to whether or not porn is a sincere art form, as opposed to an explicitly graphic medium void of all artistic entity, yet a score of high profile celebrities have taken the opportunity to strip down, if that’s any credence to the “porn as art” argument. Furthermore, I’m assuming that just like any other type of entertainment job, there are a whole host of open casting calls you can visit in order to get started. However, before you get started, be very aware of the limitations a porn career can have on future aspirations. People get into a lot of beef with employers (think Miss America, Vanessa Williams-style) family and friends when they find out what you’re really doing with your time.

Best of Luck!

V.

Dear V,

My roommate is a big weirdo. She is obsessed with cream corn! She hordes the stuff at the grocery store and keeps at least 100 cans in the room. This wouldn’t be a problem if it weren’t for the fact that she is also a huge slob. She’ll eat like 10 cans each day, but never throw out the empty cans! Our room smells awful! It has gotten so bad in there (the smell, the smeared corn on the carpet, the cans all over the place) that I’m pretty much living down the hall. I feel really bad, cause she’s a nice girl, but I think that I’m going to have to tell our R.A. Is this a good idea?

Sick of Corn.

Dear Reader,

Please tell your R.A., and save your roommate from a life filled with social isolation. Her habit is disgusting. Not only is it repulsive to eat more than one can of creamed corn in a lifetime, but her behavior might be an indication of some type of underlying OCD-ish condition. Keeping 100 cans in the room a tad excessive, don’t you think? Is it possible for you to physically restrain her arm when she reaches for the corn at the grocery store? If at all feasible, just don’t even let her go down the aisle!

Likewise, you shouldn’t have to live in such a dirty environment. Set up a time with her to clean the room up and set down a few ground rules about tossing out the garbage. Maybe you should also let her know that her behavior has affected you in such a profound way that you’ve taken to living with someone else.

Best of Luck!

V.

Fact O’ The Day…Wood blocks, sea sponges and lemon halves were three of many creative contraceptive options back in the day…

Dear V is published every Tuesday and Friday. All submissions, comments and questions are kept completely confidential and can be directed to DearV@hotmail.com.

March 8, 2005

Reporters

The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami


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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.