Hey V,
I’m fat.
I know, I know, what girl doesn’t say that? But for me, it’s true. I’ve gained 60 pounds since I got to college. I’ve grown out of all my clothes-and my parents refuse to fund my new wardrobe. My mom is a size four trophy wife and my 16-year-old sister is dating the hottest guy in her school. Every day I feel worse and worse about myself-it’s hard to live in Miami when you’re 60 pounds overweight. My friends don’t ask me to go out with them anymore. I can’t fit into the desks in Memorial and the professor had to arrange special seating for me. Whenever I exercise, I get rashes from the sweating and chafing. It’s sooo disgusting. To top it all off, I am really short-only five feet tall-so my weight gain is even more noticeable.
What can I do to lose weight? How can I feel better about myself? And how can I afford new clothes?
Signed,
Sick of wearing sweatpants and free T-shirts
Dear Reader,
I think that you may have a problem with compulsive over eating and drinking. The chances that you’ll remain heavy into your flourishing adult life are huge considering you haven’t been able to rid yourself of the weight. But, rest assured, I’ve got some solutions.
Before you get all hot and bothered about being a little bit bigger than the rest, you could try keeping a food journal. All you need to do is jot down what you eat and when you eat it. If you do this for about a week, you’ll be able to figure out what you can cut down on. Another trick of the healthy trade is drinking a huge amount of water throughout your day. If you drink a glass of water before a meal and whenever you think about snacking, you will cut down on your food intake. Furthermore, you should start incorporating some type of daily exercise in your daily routine; I know that you said it’s physically painful to exercise, but you’ve just got to put on a pair of your sweatpants and start walking! I recommend walking around the loop to start.
Now, about your little problem with your parents refusing to buy you a few new items of clothing, it’s just ridiculous. Clearly, you need help! Not only is your physical health a disaster, but I’m sure that your self-esteem about your appearance is down the tubes (especially since you can’t wear “real” clothes anymore). If you can’t get them to pay for new clothes, maybe they can help fund a stint at weight watchers. And, if they refuse to help you one bit, then might I suggest trying to squeeze in some kind of job. Try looking on campus, the jobs are usually in abundance.
Best of Luck,
V.
V-
This weekend was Parents’ Weekend at school. Everything was cool until Saturday night. My parents had gone back to their hotel and were going to meet me for brunch in the morning, so my man and I decided to spend some, uh, quality time together. We were in the middle of a very intense oral gratification session when who barges into my room but my mother. She said I wasn’t the daughter she raised, and flew back to Utah that night with my dad. My parents won’t return my calls, and I’m worried since they pay all my bills.
How do I explain to my mom that it’s normal to (safely, of course) enjoy the pleasures my boyfriend can offer?
Signed,
Caught with my mouth full
Dear Reader,
Oh, boy. Didn’t you get yourself into a trainwreck of a mess! I gather that your parents are fairly religious, God-fearing, anti-sex before marriage kinds of people. Tough freakin’ luck for you! Well, if they’re not going to pick up your phone-calls (and you better have tried more than once, geez!) then maybe it’s time to pick up your pen and write them a sincere, and apologetic letter. Might I suggest, however, that you keep your explanations about the benefits of safe oral sex to a minimum. It’s way better to seek their graces before you delve into some type of moral diatribe about why God wants people to be sexually active. Just don’t try it if you want them to pay your bills.
Best of Luck,
V.
Fact O’ the Day…Americans spend more $$$ on strip clubs and peep shows than on classical music concerts, opera, jazz and Broadway combined…
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