UM cleanliness 101:To pee or not to pee, that is the question

The other day I had this crazy urge to use the bathroom. I know that this is an uncommon urge but it happens. Anyway, I decided that I would use one of the bathrooms in the UC. When I walked in I realized why that guy from American Pie ran home every time he needed to use the bathroom. The whole seat was full of urine. Living on campus, I guess I could actually run back to my dorm every time I needed the bathroom or I could write about it and hope to reach some people.

The parts of the men’s bathroom are absolutely wonderful. Since some people seem to not understand the different parts I am going to take the liberty to name them. First there is the toilet; it is used for “#2” which includes but is not limited to sitting down (which is why it would be nice to keep it clean). Now I understand that some guys are shy, get stage fright or just like the privacy of the stall, so it’s a good thing the inventors of the toilet installed hinges on the seat so it can be lifted when you are standing. Let’s move on. There is another amazing invention called the urinal. I know that in most bathrooms the urinals either equal or out-number the toilets. They aren’t that hard to use. Just stand in front of one, aim and shoot. Lastly there is the sink, for washing your hands. Now I know this is none of my business, but more people really should use this item. It is good for you.

My mom teaches kindergarten and I know for a fact that if one of her kids makes a mess they have to clean it up. Here we are on a college campus and I would expect the same. I consider this University my home, probably because I live here. I don’t pee on your toilet seats at home and I would think that you would not pee on the toilet seats in my home either. I fully understand that we have a wonderful UNICCO staff that cleans our bathrooms but they don’t clean after every user. So I plead with you, please if you sprinkle when you tinkle wipe it up! We are all big boys on this campus.

Justin Diamond can be contacted at