We’re all on our way to hell

Sun-shaped nipple shields and wardrobe malfunctions became part of our vocabulary following the now-infamous halftime performance by Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake. The public outcry was everywhere. The Super Bowl was being blamed for leading us toward the moral abyss. That’s right, those commercials that you love and the must-see halftime shows are leading us straight to hell. In an attempt to save us all from our sins, Fox and the NFL have decided to clean up their acts. It’s their goal to provide “wholesome, family-friendly” entertainment. How, exactly, 22 guys beating the crap out of each other is classified as “wholesome, family-friendly” entertainment is beyond us.

In order to create a G-rated bore, several commercials were pulled and Paul McCartney was selected to provide the halftime entertainment. They even changed The Best Damn Sports Show, Period to The Best Darn Super Bowl Road Show, period, so as not to offend anyone. It wasn’t all clean fun though: McCartney joked at a press conference that there was no need to worry about wardrobe malfunction because he’d be performing naked.

The true travesty is that some of the would-be best commercials will remain unseen because the NFL, Fox or some other group of uptight people found them offensive. Among the commercials pulled were ones by Budweiser and Ford. Budweiser pulled their “wardrobe malfunction” commercial in fear of offending people by reminding them of last year’s incident. Apparently, some people were so horribly offended by the nipple shield that even the mere reminder of the incident is offensive. For those of us who want to be offended, the commercial can be seen at Budlight.com.

There comes a certain point where free speech is limited by the fear of being offensive. Where do we draw the line? It’s one thing to be offended by seeing someone’s nipple ring, but complaining because a commercial offends you by reminding you when you saw someone’s nipple is decidedly over the top.

February 8, 2005


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