Dear V,

People say that you should wait to have sex with a guy for X amount of time (six weeks, two months, three dates, etc.) or the guy won’t respect you. Is this really true? What if I really do just want a guy to hang out with and sleep with casually? Is this possible?


Dear Reader,

My, my, you little trollop, you! Do mommy and daddy know what you’ve been up to? So, yes, in answer to your question, it’s completely possible to live it up with a fuck buddy. But, honestly think before you decide to strip down because there is a whole other can of attachment and self-respect worms just waiting to be let out. How much respect do you have for this “easy” guy? I’m just curious. Really.

According to my authority on the subject-a 20-year-old guy-“waiting is always sexier than giving it up the first night,” for the obvious reasons. There is no set time limit about waiting to have sex with someone new. Goodness gracious, you can go from a handshake to rolling under the covers if your seductive prowess is on and your conquest is game! A question for you, though: What do you care about being respected if you’re downright hanging out with a guy to just get laid? Respect doesn’t really enter the equation here-you’re both mutually using one another for nothing greater than the physical act of sex. Respect is a non-factor. If you’re trying to bag a guy for the long term, sleeping with him within the first few hours that you’ve met him just sends bad signals. It’s a don’t.

Best of Luck,


Dear V,

I met this guy last weekend, and we totally hit it off. He is the roommate of one of my friends. We’re from the same area, we like a lot of the same things, and I think that he is really cool. I would love to hang out again with him sometime. I know that he’s not looking for a relationship and neither am I. But, how do I get us to hang out again without scaring him into that I want a relationship?

In a Rush

Dear Reader,

What? I don’t quite get it. You say just met the guy and now you want to make sure that he knows that you don’t want a relationship with him but just want to be friends? I can’t quite trace your friggin’ logic here! Maybe you think that the two of you have way more in common than you really do. Sorry.

OK, crazy girl, think about how you’ve made friends in the past. Did you hound them down, annoy the hell out of them, cling to them and spend every single second with them? Doubtful. If you really just want to be friends (and let me remind you that your motivations are questionable), then just act like a normal person! You don’t have to treat him any differently or think of him any differently than you do your other girl friends, or guy friends, for that matter. If you’re looking for some action, which is so obvious, then just see where it leads. Leave it to destiny.

Best of Luck,


Fact O’the Day…Larry Flynt, the publisher of Hustler magazine, claims that his first sexual experience was with a chicken…cluck cluck.

Please submit all questions, comments or concerns to DearV@hotmail.com or to the Dear V box in the offices of the Hurricane. All submissions are strictly confidential. Dear V. is published on Tuesdays and Fridays, and yes, V will respond to almost (don’t push it) anything.

February 8, 2005


The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami

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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.