So Iraq had a little election I hear? Almost 300 representatives were elected, none of which were Sadaam Hussein. Quite the turn around from the last “election” in which Hussein got 99.99999 percent of the vote. Don’t worry about all the nines, someone in China abstained. Interesting how fun elections can be when the voting machine isn’t rigged to electrocute you if you push the wrong candidate button; such a novel idea, this democracy in the Middle East notion is.
Rumors were out for a while that the terrorists were going to try and stop people from voting, those poor Iraqis must be so confused-one election they are intimidated into voting for a terrorist, the next they are intimidated into not voting by the terrorists. I heard a few of them went out and voted anyway; I guess they felt too strongly about the chance for democracy to be scared. Those terrorists sure tried hard, though, didn’t they?
The most surprising news coming out of the Iraqi election? Al-Jazeera was reporting it with “guarded optimism.” I had two-to-one odds it was going to report that George Bush himself came in and rigged the election, then left after popping off a few women and children huddled around AF-1.
A few clarifications about my previous column: Nothing was mentioned about affirmative action at the undergraduate level because I’m not strongly opposed to diversification of an undergraduate population. Even though some people may have had a substandard education, affirmative action is still wrong. Why don’t we get logical and go to the root of the problem and fix education instead of robbing Peter to pay Paul? The Sherwood Forest experiment failed in Moscow already, people.
The State of the Union address hasn’t occurred at the time of deadline- I also have two-to-one odds that Ted Kennedy sneers at least 30 times, then excuses himself when a young intern catches his eye. Something tells me I’ll do better with this bet.
Hillary Clinton fainted on Monday; apparently she heard that she wasn’t the top dog woman Dem anymore. I spoke with insiders; it seems that Hillary is planning a big move to get back the spotlight from BB. She’s arming herself with maps and charts, and preparing to baselessly attack the first honest, respectable, intelligent, person she finds in a confirmation hearing. Afterwards she’s planning on purchasing a hybrid car-will she be eligible for reduced parking at UM? And for the record, I think I am Barbara Boxer’s biggest fan. Who needs to campaign in ’08 when you have opponents like her? Go, Barbie, go!
Don Donelson can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org.