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Etc – A little too friendly-or maybe not enough

Dear V,

My best guy friend constantly refers to me as his best friend. Yet, for some reason, I’ve never (I mean never) met any of his girlfriends. They go to UM, so it’s not like it’s an inconvenience to introduce me, or like it’s long distance or something. It just seems weird if your best friend has never met your significant other!

What jives?

Dear Reader,

For whatever reason, your issue doesn’t really strike me as being out of the ordinary. I think that you might think somewhere deep inside your twisted head that because he refers to you as his best friend, you have the right to slap your stamp of approval or disapproval on his lovers. Nope, I don’t think so, sweetheart. It doesn’t really work like that. You don’t have that right. The intimacy constraints are much more lenient between a female and her best girl friend as opposed to the ones placed on a guy and his best platonic girl friend. Girls care more about showing off their significant others to their friends. The wellspring between you and your best friend only runs so deep. End of story.

One reason, perchance, that you’ve never met these girls (and this is from my sick, sad head) is that maybe these girls don’t even know that you exist, let alone that you are also his best friend! Think about it: Does he have pictures up of the two of you, or in his wallet (gross)? Maybe he doesn’t have the energy to inspire competition between his flames and his friends. Have you ever asked him to meet these girls? I think undoubtedly, a partial ending to your beef might just be to ask him what gives. If you express your interest (i.e. the boy is not a mind-reader) in getting to know that side of his life, he will probably be more inclined to let you meet the mysterious lovers.

Best of luck!

V.

Dear V,

My boyfriend didn’t tell me that he had hooked up with one of my friends two years ago. He claimed that he didn’t remember, but I’m so mad that I had to hear it from someone else and not him. Should I believe him? How can I still trust him?

Bitter

Dear Reader,

Bitter? Ha! I’d be more like pissed-possibly even vengeful. But, that’s just me. So if you’re trying to get around to the “what if our entire relationship has been built on lies” kind of question, I’ll let you know right now that you’re the only person who can determine if you and your boyfriend are the real thing. Use that sixth sense of yours, that’s the only way.

I’m assuming that you heard this news from your two-timing friend? That’s pretty low. However, let’s consider the facts here: The incident occurred two years ago. Perhaps it occurred during the beginning, wishy-washy stages of your relationship? Plus, his amnesia defense is, for all we know, just as valid as it is fraudulent. I’m not siding with your cheater, but I do think that the time frame is important. You can either stick with it, or call it quits, depending on your mood. But, you already knew that, I’m sure. I’m really more concerned about this “friend” of yours-ick! Maybe it’s time to dump her. She might be toxic.

Best of luck,.

V.

Fact o’ the Day…College graduates have more oral sex than their high school dropout friends, and women with Ph.D.’s are twice as likely to crave a one-night stand than those who only hold bachelor’s degrees…ahh, the value of higher education

Please submit all questions, comments or concerns to DearV@hotmail.com or to the Dear V box in the offices of the Hurricane. All submissions are strictly confidential. Dear V. is published on Tuesdays and Fridays, and yes, V will respond to almost (don’t push it, nah do) anything.

February 4, 2005

Reporters

The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami


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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.