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Dear V Q: Sudden departures, drunk hook-ups

Dear V,

My boyfriend and I had been going out for four months and getting pretty serious, and all of a sudden he ended things with me without giving a reason. I don’t know what to think, because everything was going pretty well. It’s been a couple of months since then, and we’re on pretty good speaking terms now. He has a new girlfriend and I thought I was over him but seeing him with another girl really bothers me. I don’t want to be affected by him, but I can’t help it because I still see him all the time on campus. What do I do?

Suddenly Crushed

Dear Suddenly,

Wow, what an icky situation. I tend to believe that your ex-boyfriend is a serial schizophrenic hump ’em and dump ’em type who falls in and out of relationships. First of all, he’s pretty slimy for breaking up with you out of the blue and without any warning or explanation as to why he did so. Granted, what’s past is passed and you can blame him/curse his name/stab needles into a voodoo doll all you want; your relationship with him in its current, platonic state will probably not change any time soon. Sorry, reality sucks.

So, let’s focus on your rebound situation, since he has clearly taken care of his. Obviously, you’re not going to do anything dramatic like transfer schools or change your schedule so you don’t pass by him and his new girlfriend 2000 times throughout the course of the day. And, if you thought about doing any of the previous, just don’t. Please. Have you actually thought it out with yourself as to why you are so affected by seeing him with this new girl? Is it the fact that you’re jealous of his new girlfriend, or maybe the fact that you still might like him even though he did break up with you for no apparent reason, or is it a combination of a ton of little things? In the meantime, as you go through this perpetual analyzing phase like we girls tend to, is it possible to maybe go out of your way and take a different route to class? If taking a 20 minute walk to class sounds too lame for you, maybe it’s time to immerse yourself in “distracting” activities to just get away from your mini-mess, like, you know, finding someone new who is actually worth your time – it’s the classic solution, but it works! At least in four months you and his current girlfriend can gripe together!

Best Wishes,

V.

Dear V,

I have a friend who I don’t see often, but whenever we get together we have a lot of fun. The last time I saw him, however, we got a little closer than we had been in the past, partly because we’re both off of recent breakups and partly because we were drunk. It wasn’t weird or anything; I just don’t know what to expect now.

Drunk

Dear Drunk,

So, what do you want me to tell you? Yes, you have a crush. No, it was only the rebound effect and alcohol whispering lies. Are you sure that it wasn’t weird, because I don’t think that you would be consulting my fountains of wisdom if something weren’t up. I think I might smell a little crushy-wushy in the works here!

In case my expert intuition is off (as it is…often), don’t expect to expect anything strange. For the love of God, the two of you had a brief drunk encounter, not a child together! Are you still hanging in there on the friendship level just like you were before you got drunk? Yes, so why would you be expecting any different social interaction to go down between the two of you? In any event, two words: act normally. That is, unless something “weird” did happen. Oooh.

A whole new can of worms, perhaps?

V.

Something to Ponder: According to Archives of General Medicine, coffee drinkers have sex more frequently, and enjoy it more than non-coffee drinkers…kind of puts a whole new spin on Java fix, huh.

See you on Friday!

Please submit all questions, comments or concerns to DearV@hotmail.com or to the Dear V box in the offices of the Hurricane. All submissions are strictly confidential. Dear V. is published on Tuesdays and Fridays, and yes, V will respond to almost (don’t push it) anything.

October 26, 2004

Reporters

The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami


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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.