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Dear V Ever wish you could read minds? Nuts-o friends and girls you don’t get

Dear V,
I have a friend who is obviously upset because he has been acting irrationally and, even stranger, disappearing at the most random intervals. The last time we were in contact, he left me a message using nothing but curse words, and that was at four in the morning! I know that he is unhappy and I want to help and I now that he needs someone to talk to, but every time I try to talk to him, he just starts arguing and screaming. Help!
XOXO,
Clueless

Dear Clueless,
It’s so hard, especially in light of recent tragedies, to discern between the necessity and the desire to help a friend. You’ve already taken the first step in trying to help him by reaching, but he has totally denied you of one of your “friend obligations” – namely, helping a friend in need. You are not in the wrong by any means.
Before you approach him again, if you decide to do so, do it in the gentlest, most sincere way (i.e. don’t bring friends along, don’t laugh, and don’t belittle his reasons for going nuts-o). Likewise, make sure that you communicate clearly that you are there to help and support him when he needs you; he’s not going to trust a pushy, obstinate friend. If he doesn’t accept your initial help, which he hasn’t, and refuses your further attempts with any marked improvement in his behavior, it might be necessary to stage some type of professional intervention for the mental health and safety of both himself and those around him. Professional help is available at the Counseling Center, Building 21R, 305-284-5511.
Good luck!
V.

Dear V,
I’ve had feelings of more than friendship toward one of my friends for about the last four months. Of course it doesn’t help that we hooked up last semester, and from both perspectives we both believe things were really good while it went on. But this semester, we’ve started to drift. I don’t know how she feels about us. She’s totally unwilling to go back to the way things were last semester, but admits that she still has feelings for me. I don’t understand what the big problem is. What’s going on? I really can’t figure girls out and it feels like I’m doing everything for nothing.
Please help!

Hey Please,
Are we really that difficult to figure out? OK, I’ll cut you a little slack here, and try to help you “understand what the big problem is.” Your situation was never really clear-cut in the beginning-you were merely hooking up on a regular basis. Sorry to be so crass, but big whoop. Were you hooking up exclusively? If things were not exclusive between the two of you, she might have had these “feelings” for other guys as well, not only for you.
I know that you do like her, and I hate to be the one to completely dissolve all of your idealized, blissful notions of romance, but I think that you are being a tad too pushy with this whole thing. Hookups, and this I cannot reiterate enough, do not equal “I want to marry you and have your baby.” Nope, sorry love, not even hookups on a regular basis constitute deep emotional attachment of any type. The one ball (excuse my pun) that you’ve got in your court is the fact that she did admit to you that she can feel more chemistry than just a physical connection. You’re not doing “everything for nothing”; if anything you can treat your little problem as a learning experience in the female psyche (muhahaha). Take your pushiness down a few notches and let her decide what she wants out of your relationship with one another. You’ve already made everything crystal.
Gender studies, anyone?
V.

Something to ponder: “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” -Oscar Wilde. Mmm, people.

Please submit all questions, comments or concerns to Dearv@hotmail.com or to the Dear V box in the offices of the Hurricane. All submissions are strictly confidential.
Dear V is published on Tuesdays and Fridays, and yes, V will respond to almost, (don’t push it) anything.

October 8, 2004

Reporters

The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami


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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.