(U-WIRE) BINGHAMTON, N.Y. – Everyone should have casual sex.
One-night stands can be fun and liberating – but only if they’re done right.
It’s important to remember that if you’re the type of person who needs to be in a relationship in order to have sex, one-night stands are not for you. It may seem stupid and obvious to point this out, but it’s pretty common for people to think that they can develop strong and happy relationships from casual flings. The truth is that a relationship most likely will not (and should not) develop from a one-night stand. And if people do try to form a relationship only after they’ve had sex, the resulting union won’t be a very healthy one, and it probably won’t last very long. Trying to start a relationship after a one-time sexual encounter defeats the whole purpose (and the fun) of casual sex. It’s like trying to make a sitcom into a movie: it just shouldn’t be done. You’re milking the thing for way more than it’s worth. Just enjoy it while the sex is happening, and forget it when it’s done.
If you want a relationship, look for a boyfriend or girlfriend instead of a sex partner. If you’re interested in experiencing lots of new things, and even new positions and people, then give one-nighters a try.
But be careful.
Sure, this means use protection and all that good stuff to avoid getting nastiness in your fun areas, especially serious diseases like HIV. But what I really mean is be careful that you don’t get sucked into a “friends-with-benefits” situation. I can’t emphasize this enough: friends-with-benefits are a bad idea!
So let’s discuss why.
These scenarios always start out with someone saying that no matter what, “you’ll always stay friends.” Sorry, but no. To be sure, one of you will end up hating the other by the time your romp in the hay has ended.
Why, you ask?
Consider these reasons:
1. Since the two of you are not technically dating, you’re both free to see other people. Friends-with-benefits seems all fine and dandy until one of you actually starts seeing other people – and that jealousy crap happens. Because honestly, who doesn’t hate feeling second best?
It’s typical to assume that a girl would be the one to go green-eyed crazy and want to rip out the hair of every girl who talks to her “friend,” but that’s not always the case. Just as many guys go through these feelings, too. They’re just better at hiding them.
2. Having no official commitment also leads to lack of trust and loads of insecurities, which can strain any relationship – even the “best” of friends.
The fact is that, no matter how hard you try to avoid it, emotions get involved in any sexual relationship. People will become attached to their partners in some way, even if they don’t intend to. It’s natural, and it’s unavoidable. So the best thing to do is either get yourself into a committed relationship, or get your ass out of that bed before the other person wakes up the next morning.
This brings me to some rules one should follow when looking for that one night of fun.
1. If possible, don’t exchange names. If you must, keep it on a first name-only basis (lie if you need to – and if you’re slick enough, your partner will never have to know the truth). Giving away your last name is like inviting a vampire into your house (or dorm room). Once the invitation is there, you’re as good as dead. If he or she wants to find you, you will be found – especially in college.
2. Do not, I repeat, do not exchange phone numbers. If you do, then you have no one to blame but yourself, you dumb—.
3. Don’t sleep over. Do the deed and then vamoose! Sleeping over will only encourage spooning, post-sex talk and the morning-after questions: Was I good? I swear I’ve never done this before – have you? Are you clean? You want to hang out sometime? Will you marry me?
The point is that a one-night stand should be impersonal, fun and just a good time to be had by all. Most importantly, it should be one night. It’s not really all that super if you continue to hang out with the person after the fact because there’s something sexy and alluring about banging a stranger that you’ll never see again. And even if the sex is bad, the act itself is still a freeing experience.
A one-time sexcapade with a friend, a “hook-up buddy” and other more serious relationships should not be confused with the true, time-tested, original one-night stand. It’s an amazing thing. I encourage all of you to try it.
Just be safe (condoms!), and be smart (high-tail it out of there A.S.A.P!). And have fun! Don’t feel guilty or dirty. There’s nothing wrong with some good, clean, casual sex. And if you think there is, you probably just need to get laid.
By Lacey Dunphey Pipe Dream (SUNY-Binghamton)