Add this to your Valentine’s list this year: Hot naked guys like the ones you’re in love with in COM class but too shy to talk to. No, we’re not joking. Sweet Action, the newest thing in women’s pornography, holds the key to every girl’s heart/ wild, sexual fantasy. Sweet Action is trying to expand on women’s pornographic preferences, in case they’re different from men’s- so you won’t find the Metrosexual guys that like to wear Gautlier accessories and expensive skin care lotion, or guys with oiled pecs and big muscles like in South Beach or Out magazine. It’s soft porn, straight up. These glossy, full-page, bare-it-alls are meant for the girl who likes to crush a lot. Disclaimer: may make you blush. The magazine seems to want to introduce the concept of full male nudity with the subtleness and innocence of picking flowers. What? Each issue features regular guys (but hopefully not Average Joe regular) with a focus on their personalities and fantasies to help you really get to know your calendar man. But given the sweeter, softer nature of Sweet Action as a porn magazine, the descriptions are more detailed and sophisticated as opposed to its Playboy and Penthouse counterparts whose models’ profiles usually include their love for all cute, pink things and world freaking peace.
Is this magazine just keeping in line with the changing times like Lil’ Kim’s lyrical efforts to put being a whore on par with being a player, or will Sweet Action just remain another sub-par, counter cultural magazine only available at the shops on South Beach’s sex scene? Judging by Playgirl, the not-so-successful alternative to Playboy, Sweet Action may not hold up against its heavy competitors. It offers steamy sex tips like Cosmopolitan, except that the male contributors are photographed naked next to their articles. That’s a little weird. The guys aren’t made to look like Abercrombie and Fitch models either, just their cute selves.
It’s hard to tell what type of reader Sweet Action is trying to solicit. It’s either for girls who just aren’t ready for hardcore, or girls who subscribed to Teen magazine until they were 17, which is a little disturbing. Isn’t the success of the porn industry based somewhat on the idea that porn is largely fantasy-like, with guys and girls you’d never want to seriously date but would definitely love to take to the back seat of your car or at least to the guy’s bathroom sprawled out in the nude on some nice, glossy 8X11? Getting to know your porn guy just seems a little weird. For example, this month’s feature is an interview with Eugene Hutz, who you’ve never heard of, from the band Gogol Bordello, who you’ve also never heard of. The link on their website takes you to the band’s home page, and to a picture of a guy who you just think, “why would I want to see him naked?” You wouldn’t.
The editors of the magazine claim on the official website that their goal is to hear the proclamation, “I read Sweet Action for the articles!” from their readers. Why? Just read Cosmo then. Don’t be fooled by their quote, “once you get Sweet Action, you never go back,” either. They probably mean Teen magazine. Eh, clever. For more information check out their website www.snakeinc.com.
Linda Hoffman can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org.