New York cooties by-way-of Miami

Life & Art Writer
UM Surfrider Prez

++++++++++ AVENUE D ARE WHORES +++++++++++

“Big booty hoes hop wit it! Hoochie mamas hop wit it!” Cali rappers 2 Live Crew love their asses big and fat, so why not loose and Latin, too?
Debbie and Daphne of the booty tech group Avenue D hail from Miami, where it’s sexy to show lots of skin anywhere from Foot Locker to the DMV.

Put them on a stage in NYC’s once-glorious CBGB, and you can see cans of frijoles negros – or was it babies? – dropping out of their bare, cosmically gigantic asses and clunking on the stage.

Taking the stage in what looked like torn bed sheets, complete with slits to show everyone in Manhattan their surprisingly itsy-bitsy nipples, their parachute-sized panties seemed to catch every bit of wind in the club and flare open, giving view to the 10 planets in perma-orbit around their asses. That’s 20 planets total.

The cellulite on their thighs bounced to the electro beat as the sleazy combo gyrated around stage singing, “SHUT UP AND STICK IT IN,” over and over.

Then they played the very danceable club hit “Do I Look Like a Slut?” as I moved to the back of the club and began to sob quietly while eating pre-packaged astronaut ice cream. “Yes, yes you do.”
No matter, I’d still slurp the cream out of their Moon Pies any day.


There’s nothing better than waking up to a really fantastic song playing on your clock radio. Familiar vocals and guitars seep into your mind’s ethereal fantasies, tug at your consciousness and guide you into the morning.

So when Broken Social Scene played a 1 p.m. Saturday in the ballroom of the Hilton New York, everyone turned out to see the Toronto-based indie band for obvious reasons.

Who wouldn’t want BSS’s blend of unhurried, crisp, pleasantly perfect pop music running through their minds as they flipped through records at Epherea on Avenue A, as you’re being helped by UM-alum Egg Foo Young?

I was supposed to get a noon wakeup knock from Lindsay – a dazzling girl from Kansas that I had met on the subway the day before – but she overslept.

Luckily I woke up on the floor at 12: 45 a.m., still fully clothed on my makeshift bed of armchair cushions. I stumble out of the elevator just in time to see the band’s co-founder and frontman Kevin Drew patiently slip into the emotive brilliance found on 2002’s praised sophomore release You Found it in People alonside David Leto of Rye Coalition.

I take it back. The only thing better than waking up to a really perfect song is waking up in NYC to one of the best live shows you’ve seen all year.

Kevin Dean can be reached at