Life & Art Editor
Legends.
Thnx for tolerating so much Rapture everyone.
:::::::::::::::::::::: RE: NEW YORK IS AWESOME :::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Dear New York,
We see your code like Neo (and yes, Matrix allusions are splayed out like Von Dutch truckers on dudes). Unlike a lot of feature journalists outside of The City, we understand it thoroughly as well. Let it be known that we are looking for a $1 mil investment (preferably local) to start a publication based in Miami, Florida.
We think it will go into the black at the conclusion of the debut year. Yes, we know this sounds trite and naive. Ahem: We will put Street (sans Miss Sick) and its fake-Knight Ridder-funded-alternative-journalism-fakery into the trashcans right next to where their bins are currently.
We will put MIA on the map for passionate, enthralling youth culture and wrap it in a huge, rad DIY sticker. How will we do this? The game is to be sold, not to be told. But here’s a three-word taste: No Latin Rock.
Cheers,
HS and OS
L&A Editors
:::::::::::::::: THE FABULOUS RISE OF UM PARTY CULTURE :::::::::::::::
Dear Students with places off campus,
So, now that our football dynasty is on the verge of conclusion (perhaps that is a bleak observation, but quite sad) let’s start a new “dynasty” at UM. To the people with places off campus: let’s start planning parties that form a solid rep – think the consistently wild and social bashes at UNC or FSU but with eighty gallons of style and no Dave Matthews and Weezer.
Think “Bashio.” Need instructions: See “Bashio.”
Need more? Read Clubland: The Fabulous Rise and Murderous Fall of Club Culture by Frank Owen (plenty of SoBe corruption dirt in there too).
Too biz? Again, go see Party Monster on the beach (if you have loud, gay friends it’s, like, even more fabulous like Fabolous’ earrings). Sure, yr house is no Mynt. Sure, yr roomies are broke. Just replace Mac Culkin and Seth Green’s faces with Kid ‘n’ Play and replace coke binges (trims a couple thou) with kegs, and limos and homicide (again, too pricey) with J-ello shots. Realize the city we live in and live accordingly (safely and intelligently).
Cheers to You All,
HS and OS
L&A Editors
:::::::::::::::::: RE: MEETINGS FOR THIS WEEK :::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Dear Deans (other than Kevin),
Hi. This is Hunter and Omar’s secretary (hired last week). Mr. Stephenson and Mr. Sommereyns have asked me to contact you via “Smack” regarding the requested meetings for early this week in reference to their “Mustachio Bashio” event and promotions.
Unfortunately, their schedules will not permit said meetings, as they are still picking up L&A embossed champagne glasses and golf balls that were inappropriately discarded on the ballroom floor and country club greens during said private soiree.
They also mentioned something that can loosely be quoted as, “Would it not be great if The Miami Hurricane was eventually independent of the university like oh so many highly regarded collegiate publications? Would it not be great if our elder peers surrounding the publication would occasionally give positive feedback and be aware of the newest in journalistic trends and ideas? Would it not be great if this was a perfect world?”
Mr. Sommereyns and Mr. Stephenson gave no answers to these questions and I am left in awe (as always) as to what they meant.
Sincerely,
Albert Stache
L&A Secretary