L&A BAD SMACK: Howell Raines to get job at UM? Texas Abercrombie Massacre is #1. Tennis Lessons. And, Greek Gozzip, of course!

Life & Art Editor-at-Large

??????????????????? OOOH, THAT SMELL ??????????????????????????????

It smells like gasoline. Oh, it’s just that Abercrombie remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which shredded through $29 plus million over the weekend. So, this means that horror-without-irony is back, replacing that whole Scream-horror-with-irony teen-studio-revolution of a few years ago. So, prepare for a dozen more Freddies and Jasons and, please no, Halloweens. No matter how much the world changes, it seems like these franchises are the roaches of Hollywood. They’ll outlive us all. UM-TV’s Andrew Unterman recently quoted some kid as saying that the new TTCM is the Nothing But Trouble of TTCMs. And that about says it all.

?????????????????? OOOH, THAT BLAIR ???????????????????????????????

So, word is Howell Raines is being offered a job here. So, if somebody fires Omar for screwing up for not spell-checking “Lake Eerie,” his new book will become a sensation, be it a lot indie-r, and thus, he can speak here too about everything-but for an undisclosed sum of money? Sweet. I’ll tell him. And I’ll tell Sven (“Sally May”) and my self (“Tony Sparks”). Sweet. News is going to be rich, wait until they hear. Sweet.

?????????????? OOOH, THAT PASTIME, WE MEAN, JOB ??????????????????

So, if Omar and I pick up tennis and start bringing rackets to the office and requesting, “A Bloody Mary, a steak sandwich…and a steak sandwich,” no staff member will care? Sweet. We’ll do that and collect our $16,000. But the tennis matches have to be no-contact okay – for insurance purposes, c’mon.

??????????????? OOOH, THAT GREEK GOZZIP ?????????????????????????

Yep, so let’s let this wave of growing readership continue, shall we? We really can’t believe how popular a dumb headline can make an article. We love you Greeks. Keep the gozzip flowing like O’Doul’s and keep reading our Web site and hopefully O’Doul’s will start advertising and Hurley and Nike. Just do it. O triangle X.

?????????????????? OOOH, THAT IGGY POP ????????????????????????????

Wanna be in a (non-rap) video? Well Miami resident and Stooges front man, Iggy Pop, is performing a number with, wait, uh, SUM 41, at Churchill’s Pub, 5501 NE 2nd Ave, on Wednesday – that’s tomorrow or you already missed it. If you’re 21, go get all wild and famous and be in a crazy rock video – but please rep the city like yr Scottish. For more info, call 305.757.1807 Ext 1#. Iggy’s the man.