The University of Miami gives out condoms everywhere, probably including the Canterbury Pre-School! Well, not really. But I can walk anywhere on this campus and pick up latex condoms easily. It’s a shame condoms are for males. Why do men like me have to do all the work? They can’t put that damn thing on quick enough. Didn’t you ever see that episode of Seinfeld where George can’t use the condom because he can’t open the package in time? He thinks it’s like opening a bag of chips. I think birth-control pills are easier.
And since they are easier, why won’t they make birth control pills over the counter? Would scientists think guys would consume them? At worst, they get cramps and clear skin. I see no problem in that. I’ll even put up with mood swings!
Sex is obviously different to guys than it is to girls. But one thing is for sure: everyone wants to be extremely sexy for his/her partner. It’s funny that we have thousands of gyms to work out in with different weight and nutrition methods to look built. We have cheerleading shorts for girls with letters to walk around in. There are thousands of pounds of makeup sold each year. There are lots and lots of tight shirts, shorts, and pants around. There are stores dedicated to intimate apparel-to make the person feel ultra-sensual in their underwear and cheerleading shorts. And after all this, all this, people are willing to waste hundreds of hours and spend thousands of dollars for what will result in a five-second orgasm. Let’s redo the math; thousands of dollars and hours are spent for a grand total of a few hours play with your partner. Yet, people abstain from this ecstasy, preferably until marriage. Hence, the irony is grand.
Finally, on the topic of sexual dysfunctions in society, why does Victoria’s Secret sell thongs to PRE-TEENS? Are the corporations of America turning this into a country full of pedophiles? Does an eleven-year old girl who has barely reached puberty need to wear a piece of string up her a$$ to show she is ready to handle her sixteen-year-old boyfriend? I wonder what’s next: Fruit-flavored, chewable birth control pills shaped in Wilma Flintstone and Betty Rubble?
Seth Bleicher can be contacted at email@example.com.