Death to flip-flops and long live the closed-toe!

Sometimes if you listen closely, you can hear them off in the distance. It starts off as a low rumbling and then before you know it you’re enveloped in what sounds like a herd of horses clip-clopping along. Clip clop, clip clop. It’s almost like the sound of that heart beating in Edgar Allen Poe’s The Telltale Heart. However, as the sound gets closer you’ll realize it’s not a clip-clopping, but a flip-flopping that’s hurting your ears. Sounds more like a herd of sheep to me.
This is the sound of what is in essence a cheap rubber sandal. Too bad they’re not those Ho Chi Mihn Slippers the Vietcong used to wear during the Vietnam War. Made from old automobile tires, those things were both durable and allowed the wearer to sneak up on a platoon to within ten paces. There was no flip-flopping to be heard. This is not the case at UM where every other person wears flip-flops. Not that I’m an authority on fashion, but come on people – a little imagination in your footwear, please!
The annoying noise they make is one thing, but then there’s also another matter – foot stank. It is a little known fact that flip-flops are the top number one transmutation platform for foot stank. In addition, an even lesser known fact is that the Geneva Convention of 1919 outlawed foot stank, classifying it as a form of chemical warfare. It’s true, look it up. So you see, I’m writing this appeal from a public health standpoint. This may save your life someday! And then there are those people using a cell phone while flip-flopping. Two annoying noises for the price of 350 Anytime Minutes; what a bargain!
I would be remiss if I did not also mention the predilection for many to adorn their bottom in what can only be described as ‘Butt Floss.’ I can see the point of wearing this for aesthetic purposes during, shall we say, a specific activity, but not while walking around so that it’s practically climbing up one’s back. It looks like something’s trying to escape from a pair of pants (and I thought that was only a guy’s problem). Unless of course the purpose is similar to the plume of feathers on a peacock – to attract a mate. Love me, love my floss? Eeek.

Scott Wacholtz is a senior majoring in Political Science. He can be reached at aramis1642@hotmail.com

February 25, 2003


The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami

Around the Web

An asynchronous learning model provided an opportunity to create a hands-on process with a three-dimensional approach for a fall class. ...

Claire Paris-Limouzy started freediving for research and ended up becoming a record-breaking athlete who is also spearheading a Scientific Freediving program at the University. ...

Sociology scholars from around the world convened for a virtual conference hosted by the University of Miami on Thursday to explore shifting tendencies in international relocation and the implications for global social change. ...

Lauryn Williams, track and field and bobsled medalist, addressed the University community during Wednesday night’s “What Matters to U” virtual event. ...

During his appearance Tuesday on a webinar hosted by the University of Miami Patti and Allan Herbert Business School, tech mogul Eric Yuan highlighted the importance of a workplace culture of happiness and urged that businesses pay greater attention to the digital divide. ...

TMH Twitter
About Us

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Florida. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published in print every Tuesday.