Tryout results for mascot position strictly confidential
Over a dozen anonymous students showed up last week at an anonymous location to try out for an anonymous audition to be a certain anonymous bird that performs at most of the sporting events held throughout the year.
“This whole thing has to be kept secret because that’s the nature of the mascot,” said a source whose identity cannot be disclosed. “It ruins the image when people know who’s behind the costume.”
The auditions were held because the current mascot is graduating. Before 1992, a professional, not a student, would play Sebastian.
Students who auditioned were put through a rigorous tryout that included dancing and shooting 3-point shots in full costume. There was also an interview session and a lengthy application process.
Those who auditioned were permitted to bring their own selection of music to perform which ranged from “I’m too Sexy for Myself” to “La Conga.”
“We’re looking for creativity. Someone who looks good in a costume,” said Connie Nickel, of the Office of Director of Intercollegiate Athletics. “They will have to perform a one-minute skit using props we provide for them. They will also have to shoot baskets and perform the C-A-N-E spell out.”
Unfortunately, not every audition went smoothly. At one point, a contestant was notified after his interview that his zipper was down.
“You can’t help but get a kick out of the whole thing,” said another anonymous source.
The new mascot will be paid $1,000 per year and will have to be trained to be the best mascot he or she can be.
“[The winner] will attend mascot camp with other mascots from all over the country,” Nickel said. “It will be held this August.”
The exact location of the camp has not yet been determined, but mascots have gone to Milwaukee and New Jersey in previous years.
“The tradition behind the ibis is that it is the last wildlife species to take shelter before a hurricane and the first to reappear. I believe it is also the symbol for knowledge,” Nickel said.
Angelique Thomas can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org; Leigha Taber can be contacted at email@example.com.