It’s a fat frenzy so eat your heart out America!

I heard a startling statistic the other day that something like 80 percent of adult Americans are overweight. I think it came some time in between news of the fat guy suing the fast food companies, and the arrival of the Publix truck at my apartment complex. Is it really that much of a mystery why such a large percentage of Americans are so…large? Could it be because we’re lazy?
These days, it’s completely feasible to spend our entire life in the comfort of our living room! It all began inconspicuously enough, with infomercials for the clapper, but now such effort-saving, carbohydrate-enabling devices and techniques have infiltrated our consumer market!
Gone are those lovely Sunday afternoon after church, the highlight of my week as a kid: grocery shopping day! Dad, frantically shuffling through his coupons and eating half the deli meat before reaching the checkout line, mom complaining that dad was embarrassing her, shuffling through all those coupons and eating half the deli meat before reaching the checkout line, and me, skipping aimlessly up and down the aisles, singing catchy product jingles as the spirit moved me… All these cozy Hallmark moments have been brutally shot down, because now, grocery stores, pharmacies and even pet product suppliers can deliver right to your door! Instead of “K-R-A-F-T,” I’m stuck humming the beep, beep, beep of the grocery truck backing into my neighbor’s driveway and that certainly won’t land me a spot on the next American Idol!
In these days of evolving efforts to accommodate a society that seems “too busy” to do anything but sit on their couch and reschedule their palm pilot, is there any justifiable wonder why, as a country, we’re not as fit as we used to be? Imagine the calories those frontiersmen burned every day fighting off Indians and chasing down runaway Conestoga wagons! Well, rest easy because now, we have On-Star!
Most of us have automobiles, so we drive EVERYWHERE. I’m pretty certain that the surplus of cars parked in the Learning Center and Memorial lots can’t all belong to commuters, and I’ll even admit, that on various occasions, I have actually driven to the mailboxes in my apartment complex. Why? Because I can.
So, it’s safe to say that we can all fare pretty well by doing absolutely nothing for the rest of our lives, getting fat and then suing Burger King, because apparently that is the new American way of life.
Oh, but first you’d better get the door. It’s Domino’s.
Whitney Friedrich is a senior majoring in advertising and English.