Quiz time! How many of you out there know who is in charge of student government? If you answered Gloria Cooper, the administrative assistant, you’re partially right, but the full answer is Mike Johnston. Who? Oh, yeah, that big, tall, blonde-haired guy who was wearing a yellow shirt and smiling all the time last semester trying to get me to vote for him. Or as the freshmen might know him: the big, tall, blonde-haired guy who spoke at orientation right before the Greek propaganda video made in 1978 by the same guy who directed “Earnest Goes to Kappa Omicron Kappa.”
Even if you know Mike Johnson and what he does, I have a better question for you: do you know who your senator is? No? I didn’t think so.
See, that was a trick question. Every student on campus has at least three senators (four, if you are greek and/or gay) representing every aspect of campus and off-campus life. You are represented by where you live, what school you are enrolled in, class level and favorite Backstreet Boy just to name a few.
Why didn’t you know that? That’s a good question; go talk to the PR committee in student government and find out. Better yet, do us all a favor and join them if you think you can do better. I dare you.
Your senators represent you and speak on your behalf about all semi-important issues and policies that affect campus and some tree-dwelling squirrels.
And guess what happens if your behalf doesn’t get to the senators? Yes, that’s right; their behalf becomes the “bewhole” if you don’t tell them your opinions regarding campus issues.
Who are these mysterious phantom senators you seem to elect by way of default apathy? That’s easy to find out. All you have to do sit in on any senate meeting (Wednesdays at 4:00 p.m. also known to the senators as the 11th commandment) which is open to all students on campus, except when they are in the process of voting or doodling Richard Walker cartoons on their senate agendas.
If you cannot make it to the meetings because you have an important class or a shoe to tie, don’t worry; all you have to do is e-mail the speaker of the senate, Stephanie “T-Rex Smile” Hernandez (firstname.lastname@example.org), and she will be happy to answer any questions you have about our student government senate (including how to join).
Johnston, Hernandez and the senate (and Gloria) have moved mountains and drained oceans to accomplish great achievements toward the improvement of campus life and the student.
What exactly have they done? Well since I don’t have the room to list all of S.G.’s accomplishments because my editor told me to keep this article under 400 words (thank you, Jackie), you can e-mail S.G. yourself and ask what they have done for you (email@example.com and firstname.lastname@example.org). I’m sure they will be more than happy to ramble on about that.
But seriously, you’d be surprised how much a group of students can accomplish when they complain long and loud enough. By the way, S.G. elections are from Monday, Sept. 23 through Wednesday, September 25 out in the UC breezeway. I encourage all of our readers to go out there and vote-all six of you.
Max Alvarez can be reached at: email@example.com