excruciatingly bad

This past Tuesday, the CAC showed a sneak preview of a film. Or, for lack of a better phrase, an excruciatingly bad movie. Said movie was Sorority Boys, which is really just another attempt from Hollywood to make money off the young male audience.

This movie brings to mind the age-old question: Is Hollywood making crappier films or are audiences just getting dumber? Whatever the answer is, it must be identified and rectified soon, because there can only be so much garbage playing at the theaters at once.

The film, if you have the nerve to call it that, centers around three frat rats: Dave (Barry Watson), Adam (Michael Rosenbaum) and Doofer (Harland Williams). That’s right, two actors from WB shows, 7th Heaven and Smallville respectively, and a mediocre stand-up comic.

It starts with them throwing a party at the frat house, where some of them entertain themselves by sling-shooting vibrating dildos into a sorority’s house. The sorority in question is the Delta Omicron Gamma (D.O.G. Get it?), the sorority that houses the rejects of other sororities.

After the party, the three find out their stash of money is damn near gone, and they now have to look for a place to live. D.O.G. is in a program that offers free housing, so guess what the three boys decide to do? That’s right, not look for jobs or crash at a friend’s place, but dress up like women to stay at the sorority as Daisy, Adina and Roberta.

It all follows the Hollywood formula from there.

Dave falls for Leah, the head D.O.G, Adam/Adina realizes how much of an ass he was in his treatment toward women, and Doofer, well, is Doofer.

There are some good scenes in the film. One of them is shown in the trailer, where Doofer, dressed as Roberta, sits in a circle of girls as they’re revealing secrets about each other. When it comes to Doofer’s turn, he professes his addiction to porn. Realizing what he just said, he picks up a pillow, yells, “Pillow fight!” and cold clocks the girl next to him in the face.

The only other one is when Doofer has to clean the bathroom at the sorority, takes out an anaconda of hair from the drain in the sink, and starts to make Chewbacca noises. That’s as smart as this little piece of celluloid gets.

The movie also does have some good qualities. For example, when the three dress up as girls, they start to think like girls. When Dave has to paint Leah’s toenails, he almost covers her foot with nail polish. The three boys start hitting department stores for size 8’s and Adam wears high heels because the “make my legs look slimmer.”

Instead of playing on these little things, the movie tries to go into Animal House territory, which it doesn’t come close to. It can’t even be as entertaining as PCU. Oh, and for the sex factor, Dave gets to shower with a girl.

This movie just isn’t worth watching. It’s not worth talking about, writing about, nor even thinking about. There is nothing new here; it’s a formulaic college-aimed movie that stars two WB actors with a first time director at the helm. Is there any wonder why it’s being released in March, one of the worst months for movies?

Not only is it sad that this movie was made, but that it was made by Disney. Oh, and let’s not forget that this week, Disney picked up the rights to make a sequel to this trash.

Disney, stick to animation. And Watson and Rosenbaum, stay on TV. Harland, don’t do film and stay on Comedy Central.

That way we won’t have to witness you guys dress up like ugly women again.