Edge

astrology

Dear Reader,

This experimental column consists of psychical advice and some good, old-fashioned Ann Landers-esque wisdom. Significantly, our resident psychic believes that conventional horoscopes dimly represent the realities of life because the typical astrological analysis of distant stars fails to account for quantum mechanical shifts.
Predictive power increases with proximity to our own planet; that is why our resident psychic chooses to look straight into the sun for insights and good fortune. Your feedback is requested. If you seek advice, send questions in writing or via e-mail.

Astrology

If you were born between Jan.1 and June 30:
Seize the opportunity to endear yourself to a mate with unexpected gift of flowers and large sums of money. Caribbean cruises unlikely. Lucky lotto picks include prime numbers and 8,432. Greek mythology provides insight. Use elevators or stairs.

If you were born between
July 1 and Dec. 31:
Avoid stray dogs.

Advice

Greetings. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for nearly a week and a half. We’ve discussed marriage, and I’m deliberating whether to offer her a ring or a baby chimpanzee for our engagement. She’s studying to be a primatologist. I seek your wisdom!

Tarzan,
Consolidate your relationship; don’t act hastily. Start by renting Project X and Dunston Checks In. The former’s a real tearjerker, which might occasion some cuddling or mutual grooming. Express a keen interest in learning about bonobos.

February 22, 2002

Reporters

The Miami Hurricane

Student newspaper at the University of Miami


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

If redshirt freshman N’Kosi Perry is starting Thursday night for the No. 16 Miami Hurricanes against ...

It sure sounds like redshirt freshman N’Kosi Perry is going to get his first career start at 8 Thurs ...

If he hasn’t made it already, Miami Hurricanes coach Mark Richt has a defining decision to ponder in ...

They were way below the radar coming into the 1983 season. And after their 28-3 opening-game loss to ...

In the opening eight minutes on Saturday — and the final seven minutes — FIU looked like a team that ...

Theatre arts students open the Ring Theatre’s 2018-19 season with a tribute to the creative genius w ...

UM representatives earned Novice and Junior Varsity categories at the National Opener, one of the mo ...

The Office of Civic and Community Engagement receives a $300,000 investment from JPMorgan Chase to t ...

Get Out The Vote, a nonpartisan initiative headed by the Division of Student Affairs and the Butler ...

University of Miami Libraries commemorates Banned Books Week with a special event and display. ...

Conference play is just a few days away and the Miami Hurricanes are focused on their ACC opener on ...

The Miami Hurricanes were one of the biggest risers in both major polls released Sunday, jumping to ...

Miami junior Estela Perez-Somarriba's 6-4, 6-3 victory over Evgeniya Levashova will be re-broad ...

Estela Perez-Somarriba of the Miami women's tennis team earned one of the most prestigious coll ...

The University of Miami volleyball program defeated Duke, 3-1, winning its fourth straight match and ...

TMH Twitter
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.