Satire

Satire: Canes4GaryJohnson student group on election: “Wait…was that today?”
Election 2016, Opinion, Satire

Satire: Canes4GaryJohnson student group on election: “Wait…was that today?”

The Libertarian political group on campus, Canes4GaryJohnson, has had a rough election cycle. From their loss in the UM geography tournament, to their embarrassing performance in the “Name a Foreign Person” question at the Rat’s Trivia Night, the group has seen better days. Today was definitely not one of those better days. According to their…

Long-distance relationship kept alive by UM-issued HBOGo account
Opinion, Satire

Long-distance relationship kept alive by UM-issued HBOGo account

Many freshman students enter college entangled in long-distance relationships from back home. Long-distance relationships are often doomed by the drastic change in communication dynamic, the separation of everyday lives and the simple lack of face-to-face contact. While many of these relationships end within months of the start of the semester, certain couples are finding strength…

Satire: Popularity of debate drinking games causes concern for student health
Election 2016, Opinion, Satire

Satire: Popularity of debate drinking games causes concern for student health

In anticipation for the third and final presidential debate between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, UHealth has issued the following statement to students: “We are aware of the popular drinking games associated with the presidential debates. It is our responsibility as both health professionals and concerned members of the University of Miami community to warn students…

Freshman admitted from Kansas, stirring confusion on campus
Opinion, Satire

Freshman admitted from Kansas, stirring confusion on campus

In an uncharacteristic mistake, the University of Miami Office of Undergraduate Admission has accidentally admitted a student from Topeka, Kansas into the class of 2020. This marks the first time a student outside of Florida or New Jersey has been accepted. The admissions gaffe has caused confusion throughout the student body. “I just didn’t know…

CaneFest freebies cause chaos
Opinion, Satire

CaneFest freebies cause chaos

The fresh-faced class of 2019 was rudely awoken by several trampling incidents that occurred at the annual Canefest on Saturday. The event, attended by over 2,000 freshmen and upperclassmen, was overrun by “crazy kids who just really wanted free stuff,” said one distraught source who had been knocked to the ground for the last Whole…

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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly on Thursdays during the regular academic year.