I was pondering what annoys me the other day and decided I’d think about it on paper. In that spirit of reflection, I’m never too shameless to abscond with someone else’s great idea, so with a great big hat tip to David Letterman, here are the top 10 things I find annoying:

10. Those who render excessive commentary in class: OK we get it, you did the reading. Good for you. Now go home and get your shine box.

9. Flip flopping with your iPod: Who cares about the annoying noise flip-flops make, you can’t hear it; you’re plugged into your own portable Matrix. And look -you’ve got an iPod. I bow to your greatness.

8. People who wear flip-flops and then play with their toes in public: You’re nasty.

7. Men who wear pink-: Pink is a girls color. What, did you think white made you look fat?

6. People who think Condeleeza Rice is going to run for president-get a job-it isn’t going to happen, she doesn’t have the charisma for a national campaign. Plus, she doesn’t want to be president.

5. People who panic if they think they might miss the elevator: We don’t need to fit 20 bodies in there because you can’t wait 30 seconds for the next elevator. This isn’t the Tokyo subway.

4. People who think everyone wants to be involved in their cell phone conversation: You already disturbed the peace with your annoying ring tone. Now we must listen to your inability to master the spoken English language. “Like omigod, I know.”

3. The Super-Involved Student: Please go get drunk or something.

2. Whining about the UNICCO workers: It’s a tough job and they get paid crap. But nobody’s forcing them to keep working for UNICCO if it sucks so bad. Take it from this former Sanitation Worker (yes, I used to be a garbage man-back of the truck, maggots and all that… $75 for a 12-hour day), you do what you have to do. That doesn’t make you a saint; it makes you realistic. Those of you that complain about UNICCO all the time should stop acting like you’re not just as exploitative as those you condemn.

1: That guy that walks across campus singing at the top of his lungs: Dude, you have no tone, you have no rhythm, and you sing like a dying goose. We get it; you want everyone to see that you’re here. Now go home and get your shine box.

Scott Wacholtz can be contacted at s.wacholtz@umiami.edu.

The greatest damage this hurricane season left for UM students probably isn’t from Wilma. It might not be from Katrina. And it most definitely wasn’t from Rita.

Nope, it was Hurricane Cracksquad, a.k.a. “academic deans, the Faculty Senate leadership, the vice president for student affairs and the president of Student Government” that may have caused the most harm. The decisions made, sent via e-mail at 6 p.m. Friday, are more than a bit disconcerting.

Perhaps the most dubious decision was the “revised academic calendar,” whereby reading days and finals week would be converted into make-up class dates. It basically means: Give the administration lemons, and they will squeeze the juice right into our puckered-up mouths. I decided that since Pete Maki was the only student involved in the decision-making process, I would check his fall 2005 class schedule. While Pete may not have supported the decision-I wasn’t in the room-I find it difficult to digest that a student who is taking Theater 101 among his four classes would be responsible for deciding to nix the reading days.

Sometimes the biggest problem isn’t what is decided, but what isn’t. In this case, little consideration was given to test make-ups, a problem that is trickier than it appears: Try taking a test scheduled for last Tuesday. Students could have been prepared for them had Wilma not caused such damage. Some may reason that students should be prepared now that school is back in session, what with the additional week of preparation. But the reality is many students were too busy worrying about family members, waiting in three-hour-long gas lines or removing palm trees from their roofs. The same problem exists for any exam dates interrupted by the storm.

Professors should be in charge of their own classes and show whatever mercy is necessary during hurricanes, when one cannot control circumstances. Consider this explanation, pre-storm, given by Owen Kahn of the International Studies Department regarding an assignment in his INS 502 class due last Tuesday: “Students are responsible for making sure that they have functioning e-mail accounts. Answers received after the times specified [6 p.m. Tuesday] will not be accepted…In the genuine impossibility to comply with these instructions, you must contact the instructor immediately: use e-mail…AND leave a message at 305-668-0084.” That’s right, students apparently are responsible for their power AND telephone lines following a storm.

But should they be responsible for their teachers?

Ben Minkus can be contacted at b.minkus@umiami.edu.

Wow, seriously, stop complaining. It took me only one day on campus and I was already sick of hearing everyone moan about their “hurricane situation.” It’s like walking through a nursery and hearing nothing but crying. Thing is, I’d understand if people had trees fall into their living rooms or three feet of flooding in their houses; that’s understandable. Yet, what I continue hearing is: “Omg I got power back like on Tuesday after the storm, but you know, like my cable is out. I am so pissed.” Oh no! God forbid you miss the next episode of The O.C. or the next installment of Viva la Bam; both highly acclaimed shows, that is, if you’re duller than a lobotomy patient.
Now don’t e-mail me with “I can’t believe you made fun of The O.C., it’s a great show that exhibits the reality of life in California!” On second thought, send me hate mail, I dare you. You’ll only fan the flame and I’ll continue making fun of things you like.
Events like the disaster in Louisiana or the earthquake in Pakistan (which killed more than 30,000 and was quickly swept under the proverbial media rug) should make you step back and reevaluate your priorities. But no, while you listen to your 9,000-song music collection on your iPod and drive your fancy car, you’re complaining about such frivolous things as no cable or the-end-of-the-world no DSL. You have it bad, your world is over.
Then you have some of my personal favorites, people who literally go around asking, “Hey, do you have power at your house?” Then when you say yes, they respond with, “I hate you.” Good job, here’s a tissue, wipe away the mock envy from your face. Too bad that horrible attempt at pseudo-contempt stopped being funny in 1992. Get some new material, and for the record, I hate you too. There’s more to powering a whole region than flipping a light switch. If you don’t have power and the guy two blocks away does, it’s for a reason. It’s not like the guys at FPL are sitting around a control panel saying, “Dude, let’s turn off sector 38 and turn on 37, 38 will be so pissed.” Things don’t work like that, stop being ignorant.
What I am trying to get at is that there are people who have it off a lot worse than you, to the point where they no longer have earthly possessions. The fact that you complain that you have no cable, DSL or power for a week is disdainful and downright pathetic; I know a few thousand people who would love to only have no power a few days. My advice to you is, as a friend of mine likes to say, “man up”-rough it out a bit and appreciate that in a few days you can go back to the way things were, unlike many others around the world.

Jovanni Bello can be contacted at j.bello2@umiami.edu.

Princeton Review challenges Kaplan

We at The Princeton Review were dismayed by the one-sided nature of the recent article on Kaplan’s new contract with the University of Miami (“Kaplan becomes official UM test-prep provider,” Sept. 13). As one UM faculty member noted, “I really thought the article was a Kaplan advertisement at first glance.”

The “article” did nothing but highlight Kaplan’s decision to enforce a total ban on TPR’s campus presence-and of course, it served as free advertising for Kaplan. The reporter failed to describe the reason for the switch, namely that Kaplan outbid us for the contract, which had nothing to do with the quality of service we provided.

The article also misrepresented the way The Princeton Review handled its “exclusive” contract with UM. Unlike Kaplan, we allowed other companies to post flyers around campus, sponsor clubs and even hold events on campus. We were well aware of Kaplan’s association with some student groups; it was simply our policy not to interfere with or limit Kaplan’s on-campus activities or relationships, regardless of our contract with the University.

In fact, we’ve always been so confident in our courses and teachers that we have repeatedly challenged Kaplan to a head-to-head debate over the relative merits of each company’s preparation. We want students from local colleges to have the opportunity to ask each of us questions and get straight answers. Sadly, they’ve refused our offer every time.

Kaplan may force student groups to deal exclusively with them since they have taken over the University contract, but individual students aren’t stuck with them. TPR believes that students deserve a choice when it comes to preparing for standardized tests, and we will continue to provide quality services to those students who choose us over Kaplan.

Staff of The Princeton Review, South Florida

Being an honors student is supposed to be a challenging experience, but enrolling in honors classes shouldn’t be the hardest part of that experience.

Even the brightest honors students can find it highly difficult to work out a schedule that allows them to take the minimum of the six honors credits a year. Classes are scheduled few and far between and attempting to find an upper level course is even more difficult, especially considering how inconsistently the courses are offered.

For the spring 2006 semester the accounting department isn’t offering any honors classes, anthropology: two, chemistry: three, economics: three, marketing: one, political science: four, and there are only two honors courses listed on MyUM for the entire School of Communication.

Honors students can also take 500-level courses for honors credit, but this does not always solve the lack-of-courses problem. Sophomores and juniors in particular are often at a point where they don’t need an intro-level honors course but also don’t meet the requirements for a 500-level course, so they tend to fall into honors limbo. This makes it almost impossible to fulfill the requirement of taking 12 credits in honors at the 200-level or higher.

If students don’t give up their dreams of graduating with honors they can always pink slip a regular class and work with the professor to create additional course work, but only six credits can be earned this way, and it often defeats the purpose of taking an honors class.

Students who have committed to taking honors courses expect harder courses but also smaller class sizes with peers who are academically at the same level and on the same page as them. The professors for the courses are also supposed to be the best that the University has to offer. Pink slipping a class takes these things away from the students and in their place adds an extra project or paper.

The University uses the honors program as a recruiting tool to attract the top academic high school students-students in the top five percent of their high school class with an SAT of 1,360-but then falls short on their promises to provide an academically stimulating environment. With this lack of options some honors students decide, rather than taking an honors class they don’t need or want to take, that they’ll just drop out of the honors program.

This solution isn’t helping them and it isn’t furthering the University’s academic image. If the program is going to continue, perhaps the Honors Program Office should work more closely with individual departments to ensure students have the options they need for a truly challenging and fulfilling education. Otherwise, the program is going to have to look for desperate, non-academic incentives to keep its students-like free parking.