A new semester means plenty of new opportunities for hookups, and plenty of new bodies on campus for just that. Here’s my College Hookup Handbook:
Don’t do it drunk. Take it from someone who knows – the guy or girl who was a tipsy ten is a solid two when you’re sober. “Banging while blacked” is always a questionable decision, and it’s scary to wake up and not know what – or who – went down. Neither party can give consent while drunk, and that’s just a mess waiting to happen.
Know who you blow. Take it from someone who has had to avoid eye contact with a one night stand on the way to class. It’s worse if you’re in class with them and downright horrible if you’re forced to work with them. Moral of the story: know whose bed you’re getting into beforehand.
Sexiling sucks. You shouldn’t kick your roommate out when you want to get kinky because that’s rude. If you need a place to pound, give your roommate some notice and keep it to a quickie. Whatever you do, don’t try to smash while your roomie is sleeping. Your roommate will definitely wake up, and your screw will leave them emotionally screwed up.
Play it safe. This goes without saying, but use protection. The only thing worse than catching feelings is catching an STD. What was supposed to be a one night stand can end up a lifelong problem. Condoms are free on campus at the Student Health Center, so don’t accept any excuses.
Play it safer. If you’re meeting up with someone from Tinder (or Bumble, PoF, OKCupid, Hinge, Grindr, Jack’d – you get it), be careful. It’s not a good idea to get in a stranger’s car or go to your Tinder bae’s house, no matter how horny or desperate you are. We’ve all seen MTV’s “Catfish.” We all know the Zodiac Killer.
Think I missed something? Let me know at firstname.lastname@example.org.