Dear V: He stood me up … now what?

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Dear V,

I’ve been dating a guy on and off for a few months, and I really like him. We just click. The vibe is natural, and I feel a spark between us. That being said, he keeps giving me mixed signals.

He’s been asking me to hang out for about a few weeks now, but our schedules don’t mesh well. Finally, I was available, so I asked him if he could hang out the next day. He said yes, but then proceeded to ignore my texts the whole day we had plans. I was left just sitting around waiting for a reply. Later that night he sent me a half-assed excuse about being busy with an overtime shift at work.

I’m not too concerned that he’s lying – frankly, he’s a workaholic and would jump at the chance of extra shifts – but he didn’t care at all that he left me hanging all day, and he didn’t care at all that he’d hurt my feelings by bailing like that.

It’s just confusing. He checks in with me all the time and talks on the phone for hours. Would someone really put in that much effort just to bail?

I care about this guy and feel there’s something between us, but I don’t want to date a guy that’s a total no-show either. Please help!

Sincerely,

Ditched Diana

Dear Diana,

He probably does like you, and he probably does want to meet up. You’re right – there’s no reason to put in that much effort unless he does want to see you in person.

That said, some people are only capable of thinking about themselves. If he never intended to hang out that day, he shouldn’t have agreed to plans with you. Or, if something came up, he should have just taken five seconds out of his day to text a simple “Sorry, can’t make it.”

Instead, he intentionally ignored you and left you hanging. Whether he likes you or not, why would you want to date someone like that? Sure, if he had an emergency or change of plans that’s understandable, but he should have let you know. That’s just common courtesy.

My advice? Ditch the guy. He sounds like a flake, and he doesn’t respect you or your time. If he did, he would have given you a heads-up.

This might have even been a power play. He stood you up, so you’ll feel down and come running back the next time he wants to hang out – on his terms, of course.

Don’t play childish games like that. Move on to an adult.

– V

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