Dear V

Dear V: Parents’ political views causing tension in relationship

Dear V,

I’m a junior at UM from New York City. My family’s pretty progressive, tolerant and open-minded, to say the least. I’d actually go so far as to say we’re about as liberal as they come.

Recently, I started dating a guy whose family isn’t so progressive. He’s from a rural town in the deep south. As a college student, he’s pretty forward-thinking and we don’t disagree on much. In fact, I didn’t realize he was from such a conservative family until he warned me before I met his parents a few weeks ago.

Talk about a shock. His parents were unbelievably racist, ignorant and just plain out-of-touch with reality. This isn’t a Republican versus Democrat thing, either – I have no problem with members of either party – but it was just like being back in 1950 in that house.

I don’t know what to do. I’m really interested in the guy I’m dating, but I was absolutely taken aback by what I saw when meeting his family. I’m a bit uncomfortable being over there, and it’s hard to imagine that my guy has completely shaken off all of that harmful ideology.

What should I do?

Sincerely,

Progressive Patty

Dear Patty,

It can be hard to date people who are dramatically different than you at times, be it culture, religion or even political ideology. Most of the time, conflicting behaviors or awkward nuances in conversation and body language can be talked through. But when it comes to political beliefs, that’s where many people draw the line in the sand.

It depends on whether you see this guy as long-term potential or not.

If you’re ready for a long, committed relationship, this problem of conflicting political views will keep rearing its ugly head every time you visit his ‘rents, with your potential in-laws saying stuff that leaves you with your mouth agape. You’ll have to learn to bite your tongue if you want to stick around.

But if you’re just looking for a fling and don’t see this relationship lasting years, then who cares? Just shrug off the dumb things his family says and let it go.

After all, it’s not your battle to fight. If your guy has an issue with something his family says, he can speak up. It’s not up to you to change their minds, and if they’re not trying to get you to agree with them and are merely speaking out loud, learn to laugh it off.

Try not to start any kind of conflict that could potentially drag your guy into it. There’s nothing worse than being stuck in the middle of a fight between family and your significant other.

Just grin and bear it, and be thankful that election season is finally over.

-V

November 9, 2016

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

When Al Golden recruited David Njoku to the University of Miami in 2014 the Cedar Grove, N.J. native ...

The night after FIU gave away a game to the University of Miami with a ninth-inning passed ball that ...

Redshirt freshman quarterback Jack Allison left the University of Miami football program on Tuesday. ...

Closer Frankie Bartow stared into the Panthers’ dugout immediately after fanning the final batter of ...

Go ahead. Try telling former University of Miami quarterback Brad Kaaya that his critics say he gets ...

UM marks Holocaust Remembrance Day with a reading of names and recollections of a survivor. ...

A recent paper argues that not only have researchers just scratched the surface of analyzing the Ama ...

The period of the first 100 days in office is a telling gauge for a president's full term in th ...

UM students, staff and faculty join the worldwide march to end men’s violence against women. ...

Greek Week at the University of Miami is committed to raising money and awareness for United Cerebra ...

Images from @CanesMensTennis match against Duke. ...

The University of Miami men's tennis team came up short against No. 34 Duke University, 4-1, Th ...

Images from @CanesMensTennis win over Boston College. ...

Sinead Lohan and Estela Perez-Somarriba of the Miami women's tennis team were both among the ni ...

The fourth-seeded Miami women's tennis team is set to open ACC Championship play Friday afterno ...

TMH Twitter Feed
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly on Thursdays during the regular academic year.