V's Take

Dear V: Parents’ political views causing tension in relationship

Dear V,

I’m a junior at UM from New York City. My family’s pretty progressive, tolerant and open-minded, to say the least. I’d actually go so far as to say we’re about as liberal as they come.

Recently, I started dating a guy whose family isn’t so progressive. He’s from a rural town in the deep south. As a college student, he’s pretty forward-thinking and we don’t disagree on much. In fact, I didn’t realize he was from such a conservative family until he warned me before I met his parents a few weeks ago.

Talk about a shock. His parents were unbelievably racist, ignorant and just plain out-of-touch with reality. This isn’t a Republican versus Democrat thing, either – I have no problem with members of either party – but it was just like being back in 1950 in that house.

I don’t know what to do. I’m really interested in the guy I’m dating, but I was absolutely taken aback by what I saw when meeting his family. I’m a bit uncomfortable being over there, and it’s hard to imagine that my guy has completely shaken off all of that harmful ideology.

What should I do?

Sincerely,

Progressive Patty

Dear Patty,

It can be hard to date people who are dramatically different than you at times, be it culture, religion or even political ideology. Most of the time, conflicting behaviors or awkward nuances in conversation and body language can be talked through. But when it comes to political beliefs, that’s where many people draw the line in the sand.

It depends on whether you see this guy as long-term potential or not.

If you’re ready for a long, committed relationship, this problem of conflicting political views will keep rearing its ugly head every time you visit his ‘rents, with your potential in-laws saying stuff that leaves you with your mouth agape. You’ll have to learn to bite your tongue if you want to stick around.

But if you’re just looking for a fling and don’t see this relationship lasting years, then who cares? Just shrug off the dumb things his family says and let it go.

After all, it’s not your battle to fight. If your guy has an issue with something his family says, he can speak up. It’s not up to you to change their minds, and if they’re not trying to get you to agree with them and are merely speaking out loud, learn to laugh it off.

Try not to start any kind of conflict that could potentially drag your guy into it. There’s nothing worse than being stuck in the middle of a fight between family and your significant other.

Just grin and bear it, and be thankful that election season is finally over.

-V

November 9, 2016

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

When the 2018 recruiting cycle came to an end in February, Miami, Florida and Florida State all fini ...

The college football season doesn't begin until the end of August, but that never stops media o ...

There were indications, even before Lonnie Walker IV was selected No. 18 by the San Antonio Spurs in ...

Add another player to the Miami Hurricanes' 2019 recruiting class. Defensive end Jahfari Harvey ...

From the onset, the Miami Hurricanes' plan was for the Carol Soffer football indoor practice fa ...

At the University of Miami, employee recognition comes in many forms. ...

Community art project encourages the public to explore the vibrant downtown area of Coral Gables and ...

It appears that his third run for the presidency will be successful as he distances himself from the ...

Teachers tackle challenging questions at the Holocaust Studies Summer Institute. ...

A University of Miami lecturer explores the role of the front porch in black communities. ...

Anna Runia won the women's 400m hurdles at the Netherlands track and field championships, while ...

The University of Miami volleyball program will host nine ACC home matches and the Sunshine State Ch ...

Walker picked 18th overall by San Antonio Spurs, Brown 42nd by Detroit Pistons. ...

Gino DiMare was introduced as the 10th head baseball coach in Canes' history. ...

The University of Miami women's golf team had three individuals selected to the 2018 Atlantic C ...

TMH Twitter
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.