Satire: Canes4GaryJohnson student group on election: “Wait…was that today?”

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The Libertarian political group on campus, Canes4GaryJohnson, has had a rough election cycle. From their loss in the UM geography tournament, to their embarrassing performance in the “Name a Foreign Person” question at the Rat’s Trivia Night, the group has seen better days. Today was definitely not one of those better days.

According to their president, John Shoe, the group was unaware that the election was being held today.

“Wait…was that today?” said Shoe. “We had a whole Facebook event planned and everything.”

This is another tough blow to Canes4GaryJohnson. Just last week the group’s formal request to mandate every exam given be non-cumulative multiple choice was rejected by administration.

A representative of the dean’s office said, “It just didn’t make sense. That’s not how it works. We understand that you are unhappy with what’s going on right now, but this is just not feasible.”

“The system is so unfair and needs to change,” said Shoe. “How can we be expected to respond to difficult questions without the answer being written for us already?”

Under the current academic examination system, the Canes4GaryJohnson Executive Board has failed to average above five percent. Despite the setback, they are still expected to score better on their final exams than Johnson in the popular vote.

Conner Barrett is a sophomore majoring in political science.

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