Opinion, Satire

Long-distance relationship kept alive by UM-issued HBOGo account

Many freshman students enter college entangled in long-distance relationships from back home. Long-distance relationships are often doomed by the drastic change in communication dynamic, the separation of everyday lives and the simple lack of face-to-face contact. While many of these relationships end within months of the start of the semester, certain couples are finding strength through university-issued HBOGo accounts.

The university offers premium HBOGo accounts to on-campus residents as part of its mission to create critically thinking, highly literate, hardworking and driven leaders of tomorrow. With the Campus Store offering a vast array of novels on its one bookshelf, UM is sure to promote academic scholarship by offering literally more than two days’ worth of “Game of Thrones” episodes. Even more certain than HBOGo’s academic benefits are its abilities to prolong true love.

“At this point in our relationship, we still have so much to offer each other,” said freshman Cynthia Gilbert about her boyfriend Ron, who attends UCLA. “He’s still on season four of ‘Game of Thrones,’ and I need his Spotify Premium account to stream the new Bon Iver album.” Gilbert went on to add that she simply couldn’t see their relationship ending before Leslie Odom Jr. released his Christmas album.

Although Cynthia and Ron barely talk and are perpetually crushed by the weight of loneliness on their shoulders, their relationship is too strong to let go. The mutual benefits of sharing HBOGo and Spotify accounts are just too great.

Other couples have cited that they cannot split at the moment because, “S*** … ‘Westworld’ is actually pretty good.”

“I can’t see myself ending my relationship anytime soon,” said Ron. “I just care about her [Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, first of her name, the Unburnt, Queen of Meereen, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar of the First Men, Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons] too much. I need to see this through to the end.”

Due to the scheduling of the next two seasons of “Thrones,” Ron has already purchased an engagement ring for Cynthia.

“Looks like we’re in it for the long haul.”

Conner Barrett is a sophomore majoring in political science.

October 26, 2016

Reporters

Conner Barrett


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

It’s the play Miami Hurricanes fans will never forget — and Florida State fans are trying to forget. ...

Miami Hurricanes fans might recall their favorite college football players in past years dreaming of ...

The new quarterback is usually the ones fans gush over. For the University of Miami, last season it ...

Debate all you want, but University of Miami football coach Mark Richt made it clearer than ever Wed ...

Last year, when University of Miami tailback Mark Walton attended the Atlantic Coast Conference Foot ...

An ACLU report authored by UM sociologists documents racial and ethnic disparities in Miami-Dade Cou ...

Following the summit between Trump and Putin, reaction from politicians, pundits and former intellig ...

A School of Communication associate professor played an important hand—an artistic one!—in World Cup ...

University of Miami law and political science professors weigh in on Trump’s SCOTUS nominee. ...

Research bioclimatologists with the UM Synoptic Climatology Lab counsel cities on how to manage risi ...

Miami junior wide receiver Ahmmon Richards was among those named to the watch list for the 2018 Bile ...

University of Miami junior running back Travis Homer was named a preseason candidate for the Doak Wa ...

Six former Canes competed on NBA Summer League teams, with three averaging at least 10 points per ga ...

Quick Hits gives University of Miami volleyball fans an opportunity to get to know the new student-a ...

The University of Miami's volleyball team earned the American Volleyball Coaches Association (A ...

TMH Twitter
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.