Dear V

Dear V: Weathering storms without an umbrella

Dear V,

Lately, my boyfriend has been pushing for us to have sex without a condom.

I trust him and we’ve been dating for years, so I’m not afraid of STIs. That said, though, I’m not on birth control. I used to be on the pill, but I went off it because it made me really moody. He says he’ll pull out, but I don’t want to risk getting pregnant.

I’m wondering what to do. I could try the pill again or something else. But it just feels risky. He says condoms are uncomfortable and there’s such a small chance I’ll get pregnant anyway.

I feel bad that I’m stopping sex from being more enjoyable for him. Should we go without a condom?


Bearing the Bare

Dear Bearing the Bare,

I can hear the sounds of a baby’s wailing cry at 4 a.m. echoing far off in the distance.

Seriously, though, are you ready for thousands of dollars’ worth of diapers, formula, toys and daycare and for the next 18 years of your life to be dedicated to a smaller version of you?

No? Then don’t risk it. Simple.

Sure, sex does feel better without a condom – I’ll give your boyfriend that. But as Weezy says, “Safe sex is great sex, better wear a latex. ‘Cause you don’t want that late text, that ‘I think I’m late’ text.”

There are plenty of joys that come with a baby. I’m not ragging on anyone who chooses to have a child when they’re young, that’s their choice and I’m glad they’re happy. However, based on what you said, it sounds like that’s not what you want in life right now and you’re not ready to have a child.

There’s no 100-percent guarantee when you go without protection. Besides, no matter how much you trust your boyfriend, there’s always the risk of getting some unsavory red bumps and rashes down there.

STIs are life-long commitments, too. Just instead of diapers, you get ointments and medicine.

But, if you’re willing to risk STIs and are only concerned about pregnancy, you should consider taking the pill again or try some other birth-control options. Between insertable rings and devices, female condoms, injections or what have you, there are just too many options to make excuses and gamble with your future.

Sure, kids are great. And hey, maybe your guy’s “pull-out game” is strong like he says.

But don’t risk a baby if you’re not ready yet and don’t risk your future for momentary pleasure.


April 10, 2016



Advice Columnist

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