Opinion, Satire

Satire: Recent graduates shocked to learn real world isn’t all about U

While University of Miami graduates tend to fare well in the workforce, many Hurricane alumni are facing shocking realities in the world outside of Coral Gables.

“People just don’t get it,” said 2015 graduate Todd Matthews about his current job as a sales manager in Portland, Oregon. “No one here understands that it’s all about the U.”

Matthews is one of many alumni who have had difficulties transitioning into a non-UM life.

Rachel Stone, a 2014 graduate, has had similar issues during her job hunt.

“Employers are usually impressed with my resume, but the interview process is always difficult,” Stone said. “Sometimes I will tell interviewers that I went to college at the U and they’ll ask me, ‘The U of what?’ How ridiculous is that? ‘The U’ obviously refers to a medium-sized private school in South Florida. What else could it refer to? One of the other 5,300 colleges or universities in the United States?”

Stone’s frustration lies beyond the lack of awareness of the central importance of UM. She stated that a lack of respect for the U has hindered her ability to utilize the skills that she has acquired at Miami.

“How am I supposed to use my UM education to become an innovative and global leader if people don’t understand that it’s all about the U? Sometimes people are so closed-minded,” Stone said.

Alexander Rice, an associate at Goldman Sachs, has a different view on the situation. “I’ve interviewed multiple University of Miami graduates and some of them have taken personal offense to some of the questions I ask them,” Rice said. “In response to a question about working through adversity, a UM alum simply referred to sitting through an entire afternoon game at Sun Life Stadium. Recently I had a young woman throw a book at me when I said that I literally have never heard of a guy named Brad Kaaya. She kept yelling at me to stop talking about her future husband like that.”

Rice later pointed to a scar on the back of his neck and said, “I asked if she went to the one in Ohio.”

Conner Barrett is a freshman majoring in political science. The quotations used in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real entities is purely coincidental.

March 27, 2016

Reporters

Conner Barrett


3 COMMENTS ON THIS POST To “Satire: Recent graduates shocked to learn real world isn’t all about U”

  1. TheU says:

    This was hilarious.

  2. JPS says:

    really??

  3. Betty Nevelus says:

    Still “Sun Tan U”…and always will be.

Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

This time, there was no miracle Miami win over Duke. The fifth-ranked Blue Devils rallied from a 13- ...

It was obvious before tipoff that the University of Miami game against No. 5 Duke was no ordinary Hu ...

Miami Hurricanes backup quarterback Evan Shirreffs announced Monday on Twitter that he will transfer ...

Here’s one of the many neat things about the UM football program, a tradition that has carried on fo ...

Clemson coach Brad Brownell had a simple plan at the only practice before facing No. 18 Miami — don ...

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s vision for a “Beloved Community” has inspired a number of University of ...

UM launches three cyber security certificate programs to equip professionals for the growing employm ...

The second annual Big Data Conference and Workshop hosted by UM Center for Computational Science enc ...

Now in its 67th year, the Beaux Arts Festival will move to the Foote University Green. ...

UMIAMIFL also outperformed two key S&P benchmarks by more than nine percent. ...

Lonnie Walker IV scored 19 points, but it wasn't enough as the Canes fell to the Blue Devils at ...

The University of Miami women's basketball team took down Clemson behind a career-high 19 point ...

The University of Miami announced Monday that it has relieved Mary-Frances Monroe of her duties as h ...

As the University of Miami heads into 2018, check out the latest edition of Hurricane Magazine. ...

Hurricanes and Blue Devils square off at 7 p.m. Monday. ...

TMH Twitter Feed
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.