Dear V: I’m wrapped up in his baby-mama drama

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Dear V,

I’ve been seeing a guy who’s five years older than me. When he was in high school, he accidentally got a girl pregnant. They decided to keep the baby, but ended up breaking up a few years ago. He visits his ex frequently to check in on his child, but it’s clear he has moved on from his ex.

However, I can tell his ex isn’t over him. She’s always texting him trying to get him to come back and even though he ignores her, she won’t stop. Last time, he let me come with him to pick up his kid and his ex practically chased me out of the house.

This is starting to become too much to handle. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Caught in the Middle

 

Dear Caught in the Middle,

Exes, particularly those who’ve had a baby with their partner, can become over-protective, obsessive and even jealous. Sure, your guy might be over his ex-girlfriend – but if she’s the one raising the child, the baby’s face is a 24/7 reminder of your guy.

It sounds like she’s just afraid of losing control. She doesn’t want you to have your guy’s attention because then her and the kid won’t get it. She’s watching her family unit fall apart and, even though they might not be dating anymore, he’s still the child’s father.

As long as your guy is over his ex, there’s nothing you can do. It’s up to him to alleviate the situation; it’s not your responsibility to get her off your guy’s case.

Help your guy stay involved in his child’s life without getting sucked back into the old relationship. If he’s happy with you and is moving forward with his life, that’s all you can ask.

Don’t worry too much – you’ll see the signs if he starts having second thoughts. Don’t keep holding on for a guy with each foot in a different world, but don’t ditch your guy because of something that’s out of his control either.

However, if the harassment becomes too much for you to take, it might be time to call it quits. Sure, you won’t judge your guy for his past. But if his ex is so persistent she’s aiming at you or is affecting your own well-being, it’s time to hit the road.

You’re in college. You’re only young once. Don’t spend your time unpacking someone’s baggage if they’re not keeping it from affecting you. But, if he’s clearly over his ex and is trying his best to have a relationship with you, have a little patience and let the chips fall as they may.

Good luck – and don’t let yourself get pulled down into a family that’s not yours.

-V

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