V's Take

Dear V: My bae might be gay

Dear V,

My boyfriend hasn’t been attracted to me lately and hasn’t wanted to have sex as much as usual.

I had a gut feeling something’s wrong, so I went through his phone. I feel guilty about it and want to tell him, but I don’t know how to apologize without mentioning what I found.

He’s been talking to a guy constantly. They exchanged Snapchats and I’m concerned about the kind of Snaps they’re sharing – the conversation between them seems quite flirty.

I think my boyfriend might be questioning his sexuality. I feel awful – this is the guy I’m dating and am in love with. If he’s not straight, why is he with me, a girl? Please help.

Sincerely,

Overlooked Olivia

Dear Overlooked Olivia,

First off – since you’re already guilty, I won’t beat you over the head – but in any relationship, no matter how rocky things are, you shouldn’t go through your significant other’s phone.

Relationships should be built on trust. If you’re constantly doubting your partner’s honesty, then you either have trust issues and should work on that first, or you and your partner aren’t meant to be.

Now, for the second issue – whether your boyfriend is involved with another guy – don’t take that personally. He probably does love you, but he might be realizing that he loves you platonically, not sexually. This isn’t something to be upset about. Sexuality is a fluid thing and it takes many people decades to discover themselves.

The true thing to be upset about is if he’s cheating on you with this guy. No matter whether he’s questioning his sexuality or not, it’s not right to go behind your back like that. If he’s questioning, he should have ended your relationship.

If you’re certain that’s what’s going on, then it’s time to admit you snooped. Try to have a conversation with him about what you saw without painful, back-and-forth accusations.

If you aren’t sure, then ask him to explain himself before jumping to conclusions. Maybe he’s just getting to know someone as a friend. If you have no proof otherwise, don’t assume the worst before getting the facts.

Either way, it’s time to move on. It’s clear you and your boyfriend don’t have a foundation of trust if you went through his phone. Take a break to focus on yourself and your own life.

If it turns out your boyfriend is questioning, move on, but offer him support as a friend. He’s not doing it to hurt you and this can be difficult to come to terms with.

He’ll need a strong support system – and that includes you. Good luck.

-V

February 17, 2016

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

After assembling one of the nation’s best groups of skill position players in the 2018 recruiting cl ...

Coach Kool, AKA Craig Kuligowski, is gone from the University of Miami, which is entirely uncool wit ...

He is considered among the finest defensive line coaches in the nation. And now, according to a writ ...

This is the time of year when every win or loss can make a difference in a team’s NCAA Tournament ch ...

Mike Brey doesn't pay much attention to the NBA draft stock of opposing players, but the Notre ...

At the University of Miami, the professor has the last word on whether students can use their laptop ...

Members of the University of Miami first response teams remind us of resources available and what to ...

Mexican activist, poet and novelist Javier Sicilia deplored the violence stemming from the “drug war ...

From the North Pole to the South Pole and everywhere in between, the art of UM alumnus Xavier Cortad ...

The No. 25-ranked University of Miami women's golf team finished ninth at the 2018 Allstate Sug ...

Three Miami women's tennis players are featured in this week's Oracle/ITA rankings, along ...

Riding a five-game road winning streak, the Miami women's basketball team will look to make it ...

After capturing its opening series with Rutgers, No. 24 Miami continues a season-opening, seven-game ...

Walker IV scored 19, Izundu scored 14 and the Canes picked up a crucial win in South Bend. ...

TMH Twitter Feed
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.