Dear V

Dear V: What if he’s still in love with his ex?

Dear V,

These last few weeks, my boyfriend has acted strange. The other day, he was going to crash at my place so he asked me to grab some shoes from his closet. I accidentally found a box filled with pictures and gifts from his ex-girlfriend. I tried talking to him about it but he was defensive and accused me of snooping. He insinuated I’m jealous, saying it’d be ridiculous for him to date me if he wasn’t over her, since he was the one who broke up with her.

I have an odd feeling about this. What should I do?

Sincerely,

The Replacement

 

Dear The Replacement, 

No matter what your boyfriend says, if you have a gut feeling something’s wrong, listen to it. Trust your intuition and you’ll end up less hurt in the long run than if you ignore your doubts.

That said, get the full story before getting on his case.

How long did they date for? Why did he dump her? Are they still close?

There’s more to the story than a black-and-white question. If they only dated for a few months, it’s more likely he’s over her than if they dated for years. Along those lines, if he ended things because he moved for work, it’s more likely he’s clinging onto chances of getting back with her than if he split with her because she stole money from him. There are situational circumstances to consider before confirming your doubts.

Since you already tried to talk to him, focus on getting more details. Pay attention to how often he talks about her and if he still interacts with her in person or on social media.

Sure, exes can be friends, but don’t be the third wheel in your own relationship. If he’s constantly doing her favors or ditches plans with you to see her, he’s more focused on rekindling the old flame than building a future with you. 

Otherwise, don’t jump to conclusions. If he makes you happy, confides in you and doesn’t stay in touch with his ex, maybe he’s just a sap and couldn’t let go of things with sentimental value. He might just be afraid of letting go of that period in his life, not his ex in particular.

Once you’ve gathered your thoughts, try to have a calm conversation with him about it again. He’ll either be honest with you or he’ll snap to defend himself, in which case you can decide he’s not over the past relationship.

If it turns out he’s hung up on his ex, move on. You deserve a guy who sees a future with you, not one living in his past.

-V

February 14, 2016

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

If defense really does win championships, the University of Miami is in good shape. Despite giving u ...

This is the Miami Hurricanes team that finally solved its long hex in finally winning at Florida Sta ...

1. HURRICANES: No. 3 Canes beat Virginia in home finale: ACC title game, first 10-win season since 2 ...

The No. 2 Miami Hurricanes are kings at keeping their fans in a panicked state — then filling them w ...

CANESFAN SATISFACTION METER: G10: Time again for the latest edition of the Canesfan Satisfaction Met ...

The Finker-Frenkel Legacy Foundation gift will establish the Business Plan Competition Endowed Fund. ...

C. David Naylor, a UM Presidential Scholar and public health policy expert, provided insight into he ...

A cohort of five religious leaders from Miami, including a rabbi and imam from the University of Mia ...

Hollywood actress and star of the hit BET series Being Mary Jane gets real about gender, race and co ...

The annual development agreement meeting is a time for the city and University to share information ...

Miami survived an early scare to beat Virginia, 44-28, and achieve its first 10-win season since 200 ...

The University of Miami volleyball team produced some late-match magic Friday night to outlast an in ...

Miami dropped a 67-61 decision to Colorado on Saturday afternoon in its first road game of the seaso ...

Here are three matchups to watch in Saturday's Senior Day game between the No. 3 Canes and Virg ...

Miami's seniors will play their final home game at Hard Rock Stadium when the Canes face Virgin ...

TMH Twitter Feed
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.