Dear V

Dear V: Wanting her to take control

Dear V,

I just got out of a two-year relationship and started a fling with a girl in my class. We’ve only met up once, but have talked about taking things further the next time we hook up.

I’m excited, but there’s one thing she doesn’t know about that I’m afraid might make her change her mind … I’m submissive.

For a guy, that can be weird to say. I’m met with mixed reactions when I tell my close friends and partners. My ex was fine with it because she was dominant in bed, but I’m getting the sense that this new girl expects me to take the lead and be in control.

I want to tell her the truth, but I’m afraid she might not want to see me anymore. What should I do?


Not the Usual Role

Dear Not the Usual Role,

Don’t worry too much – your new girl might be into dominating more than you’d expect.

Just like you’re scared to say you’re submissive, she might be afraid to admit she’s dominant. Unfortunately, girls are expected to hand over the reins to guys both in and out of the bedroom.

Let’s ditch society’s expectations and focus on making sure you two have a good time.

This is something you’ll probably want to mention beforehand. If she does end up being submissive also, it will make for an awkward night if you’re both laying there waiting for the other person to take over – so make sure she’s cool with it before hitting the sack.

Drop the sub-bomb over a flirty text while your conversation is getting heated. When she asks what kind of stuff you’re into, respond coyly with, “I tend to prefer to let the ladies take the reins ;)” and see what she says.

If she doesn’t get hint, feel free to be blunt.

After all, you’re going to be seeing each other naked. You shouldn’t be afraid of talking about tastes and preferences for bedroom rendezvous.

You might even find your romps in the sack to be more satisfying and exciting after talking about what gets you two going.

So tell her your preferences and see if she’s into it. There’s nothing wrong with being honest.

If it turns out that you’re both submissive, get someone more assertive to help you out. Hit up the internet and chat with your local dominatrix. Maybe she can show you a trick or two.



January 24, 2016



Advice Columnist

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