Dear V

Dear V: Thanksgiving break mistake

Dear V,

Over the break, I went home to spend time with family and friends. My best friend from high school threw a party that got out of control – we were all getting trashed, myself included. One thing led to another and I accidentally hooked up with an ex of mine.

Now, I’d usually say “score” and brag to all of my friends after coming back to campus, but this time is different. I’ve been dating a guy for a few months and I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t be pleased. We haven’t talked about being exclusive yet, so it’s not like I cheated on him, but I’m pretty sure he isn’t seeing anyone else. I feel like he would want to know what happened, but I’m afraid he might ditch me.

What should I do?

Sincerely,

Guilty Conscience

Dear Guilty Conscience,

Just because you haven’t had “the talk” doesn’t mean you should disregard someone’s feelings before acting on an impulse. Relationships aren’t black and white – there are gray shades in between. About 50, depending on what you’re into.

He might have assumed you two have been exclusive for a while and end up crushed by the news. This doesn’t mean you should hide the truth from him. Be honest about what happened. He might not care at all and not want to commit to one girl just yet, leaving you in the clear. Or, he could potentially be upset and want to call it quits.

Where to go next is up to him – you just need to do your part and be honest.

The bigger issue isn’t that you hooked up with someone, but who you hooked up with. This isn’t about whether you’re ready to commit to somebody yet – it’s about whether you still have feelings for your old flame. Since he was your go-to hookup in your hometown, it’s doesn’t look like you’ve moved on from your ex yet.

It’s one thing if you had a random one-night stand with a stranger, but this was a romp in the sack with somebody you have history with. Running back to exes is never simply a mistake. There’s something about him you’re just not over, and if that’s the case, it’s not fair to string along a new guy to fill the emotional void.

Ask yourself if you’re ready to move on from your past. If the answer is yes, have an honest conversation with your new beau and decide together whether you’re allowed to see other people or not. If you’re not ready to move on from your past, let your new guy off the hook and work on moving forward.

After all, nobody wants to be a rebound – particularly one who’s just filling in for the ex in your hometown.

-V

December 6, 2015

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

Now, all that’s left is the waiting. The University of Miami baseball team, fighting to extend its 4 ...

Could the once forlorn University of Miami be closer than some think to extending that national-reco ...

Some UM football nuggets on a Friday: • Evan Shirreffs is an amiable, well-mannered, studious young ...

A few media notes on a Thursday: • As has been the case most years, ABC has decided to televise the ...

Most of the University of Miami student body is on Summer break; but the Hurricanes football team is ...

A new study reveals that mindfulness training, but not relaxation training, benefits college athlete ...

Frenk delivered his inaugural lecture Wednesday, officially joining the most prestigious group of Me ...

Victor Oquendo, BSC ’09, is following in his parents’ footsteps. ...

The Rosenstiel School’s final lecture of the 2017 Sea Secrets series focused on using science diplom ...

Researchers believe they have found a new way to monitor the intensity and location of hurricanes fr ...

Inclement weather made them wait, but Ebony Morrison and a pair of University of Miami relay teams p ...

Estela Perez-Somarriba of the Miami women's tennis team cemented her name in the record books S ...

Miami's run at the 2017 ACC Championship ended in the semifinals Saturday, as the sixth-seeded ...

Estela Perez-Somarriba posted a 6-4, 5-7, 6-1 victory over Mia Horvit Saturday, becoming the fourth ...

Due to anticipated inclement weather, the ACC Championship has adjusted the scheduled for games and ...

TMH Twitter Feed
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly on Thursdays during the regular academic year.