Dear V

Dear V: Bashful about boyfriend’s birthday gift

Dear V,

My boyfriend’s birthday is coming up in a month and I want to do something special for him.

We’ve been together for a while, so we’ve tried almost everything in the sack at least once. I thought it would be fun to introduce somebody new to the bedroom, but I’m not totally sure if I’m comfortable with it.

We talked about having a menage a trois once in the past, but I started to look for a girl on the Internet and got cold feet. My boyfriend dropped the idea for a while.

A three-way has always been one of my boyfriend’s fantasies. I’d love to do something special for him, but I’m not sure that I’ll be okay with it. I think I might get jealous or insecure afterward.

Should I go ahead and arrange the rendezvous, or should I find another birthday gift?


Two’s a Party, Three’s a Crowd

Dear Two’s a Party,

In a healthy relationship, you shouldn’t ever feel pressured to do something you’re not comfortable with. Your boyfriend shouldn’t expect you to do things you’re unsure of, but it doesn’t sound like he does. It sounds like you’re putting the pressure on yourself.

If you’ve always wanted to experiment with a three-way as well, maybe you should talk it out with your boyfriend first. Planning it in secret as a surprise might catch him off guard and make you more anxious – but if you plan it together, you can pick someone you’re sure you’ll both have fun with.

If you do choose to follow through with the plan, make sure to pick someone you and your boyfriend don’t know personally. If she’s a friend of yours or his, it’ll only make things awkward for everyone and create jealousy.

Make sure the third person knows that it’s a one-time thing as a present for your boyfriend and no feelings will be involved. You can chat a bit to get comfortable, but don’t get too friendly.

However, if you have no curiosity yourself, then ditch the idea. A big decision like this should be fun for everyone involved – it shouldn’t feel like a favor. This can always be planned later down the road when you both feel ready.

After all, you want to enjoy the experience. If you’re nervous going into it, you’re not going to have a good time. It could end in a bad birthday memory for him or even cause tension in your own relationship.

So plan the idea if you feel ready. But if not, simply picking him up a bottle of his favorite cologne and some wine and making him a homemade dinner never hurt, either.


November 15, 2015



Advice Columnist

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