Dear V

Dear V: Can’t beat breakup blues

Dear V,

I’m having trouble getting over a bad breakup. It’s been about five months, but it still burns like it happened yesterday. I’m not sure why this breakup has been so hard on me in particular. I think I might have actually loved this guy for the first time, while my past breakups were just flings.

I’ve tried everything. I got new hobbies like joining the swim team and photography club. I tried getting in some “me time” and went to the spa, getting my hair and nails done. I even tried letting my middle school angst out on paper and wrote some poetry about it.

So far, nothing has gotten my mind off of this guy. This is getting ridiculous – I need to stop obsessing over something I can’t change and get my feet back into the water again. What else can I do to try to get past this?

Sincerely,

Boo Hoo Betty

Dear Betty,

Breakin’ up is hard to do.

What’s even harder is what comes afterward – all the tears, frustration and anger you hadn’t prepared yourself for. Part of the reason breakups are difficult to get over is because there’s always something left unsaid. No matter how much you talk something out, something else will always pop in your head later, but it’s too late to go back and say what you wish you had.

Sometimes you have to come to grips with the fact that not every situation can be as perfect as you plan it out to be in your head. People don’t always follow the script you’ve rehearsed – so you have to improv on the spot, and it gets messy.

No matter how much you love someone, sometimes it’s best for both of you to move on. So I suggest you keep trying to do so, unless you’re certain that this guy is your soulmate – and given that it’s college, he’s probably not.

Keep your train a-truckin’.

Don’t stop trying hobbies and new activities. Those can be fun whether you’re trying to get your mind off of something or not. Hey, you might sneak a selfie with a cutie in the photography club, or dive right into something new with a guy on the swim team.

However, don’t put yourself under someone to get over someone else. That old phrase just doesn’t work in real life – especially not when your bond was deeper than just between what’s in your pants.

Instead, take things slow. Focus on your own life and interests, and if a guy happens to pop into the picture, then so be it. But hey, Beyoncé knows as well as anyone, there’s nothing wrong with being one of the “Single Ladies,” either. Don’t lose hope, but “do you” for a while and focus on being your own significant other.

-V

November 4, 2015

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