V's Take

Dear V: Keeping roomie’s bae at bay

Dear V,

I’m living in the dorms with a roommate who I was randomly assigned with. She’s great and we get along well – but her boyfriend keeps hitting on me.

At first, I thought I was paranoid. I assumed he was just being friendly or trying to get to know me, but the signs have become clearer. A few days ago, I walked in wearing a towel from the showers and my roomie and her boyfriend were in bed cuddling. He asked me if I wanted to join and I laughed it off like a joke. Yesterday, I was putting away my laundry and my roommate’s boyfriend said that my bra must look wonderful on me.

I’m afraid if I ask him to stop, he’ll start a fight. But, if I don’t say anything, I’ll fuel the fire and my roommate might think I hit on him instead. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Catch-22

 

Dear Catch-22,

It’s odd that your roomie’s boyfriend invited you for a menage a trois in front of her and she didn’t say anything. Are you sure you’re not looking too deep into things? Some guys are naturally flirty, so it might just be his personality type.

But, if you’re certain he’s hitting on you and your gut’s telling you he’s a creep, then don’t ignore it.

For all we know, your roomie and her beau might be subtly suggesting that they’re swingers, and I don’t mean of the playground variety. They could be trying to gauge your reaction. This is fine and dandy for some folks, but don’t get in the middle of things with someone you’re contractually obligated to live with for a year – that’s just messy, and you’d probably end up with a third roommate.

So, nip the flirting in the bud, but don’t turn him down while your roomie’s not around. Her boyfriend could say that you flirted back and even make up things that aren’t the truth. Instead, calmly ask that he stop saying suggestive things to you in front of your roommate. That way, both parties will know you’re not interested without playing any games of he-said, she-said.

Maybe your roomie has noticed this behavior but feels like she’s being crazy, too. She might feel a bit validated to hear it from someone else that he’s making moves on girls that aren’t his girl.

Next time a saucy comment comes up, say something simple like, “Did you mean to say that to my roommate?” or, the plain old “Sorry, I’m not feeling it.” If things continue, you’ll have to be more point blank, but try being casual first.

Tell your roomie’s boyfriend to cut it out with the sweet talk and hopefully your dorm can return to normalcy – or, that is, as normal as communal showers and drunk, loud floor mates can be.

-V

October 21, 2015

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

It’s the play Miami Hurricanes fans will never forget — and Florida State fans are trying to forget. ...

Miami Hurricanes fans might recall their favorite college football players in past years dreaming of ...

The new quarterback is usually the ones fans gush over. For the University of Miami, last season it ...

Debate all you want, but University of Miami football coach Mark Richt made it clearer than ever Wed ...

Last year, when University of Miami tailback Mark Walton attended the Atlantic Coast Conference Foot ...

UM dining services team earns national recognition for special event catering. ...

From hammerheads to great whites, University of Miami researcher Neil Hammerschlag is a dedicated sp ...

An ACLU report authored by UM sociologists documents racial and ethnic disparities in Miami-Dade Cou ...

Following the summit between Trump and Putin, reaction from politicians, pundits and former intellig ...

A School of Communication associate professor played an important hand—an artistic one!—in World Cup ...

Miami senior Tyler Gauthier was named to the 2018 Fall Watch List for the Rimington Trophy presented ...

Miami junior wide receiver Ahmmon Richards was among those named to the watch list for the 2018 Bile ...

University of Miami junior running back Travis Homer was named a preseason candidate for the Doak Wa ...

Six former Canes competed on NBA Summer League teams, with three averaging at least 10 points per ga ...

Quick Hits gives University of Miami volleyball fans an opportunity to get to know the new student-a ...

TMH Twitter
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.