Dear V

Dear V: How to catch a ghost

Dear V,

I’ve been talking to a guy for a few weeks that I’m really into, but I can’t tell if he’s into me. We went on a date and I thought we hit it off, but he didn’t get in touch with me again until a week afterward. We texted back and forth making small talk and flirted a bit, but he didn’t ask me out again. I can’t tell if this guy just wants to avoid making me feel like he ghosted on me or if he’s interested in going out again but won’t say it. I’d like to go on a second date, but I’ve never asked a guy out before and I’m not sure if I should do it. I don’t want to seem too eager. What should I do: make a move, or sit back and wait?


Courting Casper

Dear Courting Casper,

First of all – relax. If this guy doesn’t want to go on a second date, it’s not the end of the world. There are billions of guys on the planet, and I promise there’s at least one out there who won’t ghost on you – that is, won’t disappear after the first date. While it’s possible this guy doesn’t want to meet up again, it’s also possible he’s still interested – especially since guys tend to cut the cord on girls they don’t have any chemistry with, and he’s still talking to you.

However, there’s a third option you haven’t considered – maybe he didn’t feel chemistry but he might still like to be your friend. If he enjoys talking to you, take that as a compliment.

Don’t fret too much on what’s behind the conversation and instead just enjoy it. If you want to test the waters, you could always say, “I had a fun time the other evening,” and leave it at that. That’ll give him an opportunity to ask you out again.

As far as you busting the ghost, if he asked you out the first time, he might be thinking it’s your turn to take the plunge. He may assume because you haven’t mentioned your past date, you’re not interested in him that way – so he’s now trying to salvage the friendship.

Stop overthinking it. The worst that’ll happen is he’ll say no – the same as if you sit there and do nothing. Screw gender roles and take the chance. You may end up being pleasantly surprised, plus you’ll take the pressure off of your guy.


September 23, 2015



Advice Columnist

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