V's Take

Dear V: Frozen in time

Dear V,

I broke up with my boyfriend of over three years about four months ago. I’ve been trying to get back into the dating game and I’m struggling – it’s as if the universe wants me to get back with my ex. Everything I do seems to remind me of him, from watching old TV shows we used to binge on together to the way I make my coffee (he teased me for using too much sugar). I know how dumb it sounds, but part of me wants to pick up the phone and see how he’s been. After all, we only broke up because he moved for work – we didn’t even want to split. Should I break the ice, or battle the cold alone?

Sincerely,

Elsa

Dear Elsa,

Moving on after a relationship ends is always rough, and breaking up due to circumstances you couldn’t control is worse. There will always be that “what if?” in the back of your head, making you wonder if the decision to break up was worth it. When you end on good terms, it’s difficult not to want to keep in touch, and when you’ve been intimate with someone for so long, it’s not just the romance that you’ll miss. You’ll miss the companionship, laughs and inside jokes as well, which makes it seem impossible to give them the cold shoulder.

However, my advice is to “Let it Go.” Yes, at times you’ll cave and send a regrettable text or two, but remember that there’s a reason you two split to begin with.

You talked it out and decided not to try a long-distance relationship. Sure, you two clearly cared about each other, but if you were really in love you wouldn’t have let distance divide you so easily.

Being cold to someone can make you feel more like the villain than the hero at times, but if being Hans rather than Elsa or Anna helps you move on from a relationship that should remain “Frozen” in time, then do what you have to do to move forward.

Putting yourself out there will help. Find a new guy to keep your eye on. Even if he’s a “fixer-upper,” your Kristoff is out there. Don’t beat yourself up if you feel blue over your ex occasionally. You have good memories, and as Olaf says, “Some people are worth melting for.”

Just don’t lose sight of the big picture – there’s another guy out there for you to make new memories with. So grab some cocoa and throw on your comfiest sweater, and remember that the cold never bothered you anyway.

-V

September 16, 2015

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

It’s the play Miami Hurricanes fans will never forget — and Florida State fans are trying to forget. ...

Miami Hurricanes fans might recall their favorite college football players in past years dreaming of ...

The new quarterback is usually the ones fans gush over. For the University of Miami, last season it ...

Debate all you want, but University of Miami football coach Mark Richt made it clearer than ever Wed ...

Last year, when University of Miami tailback Mark Walton attended the Atlantic Coast Conference Foot ...

An ACLU report authored by UM sociologists documents racial and ethnic disparities in Miami-Dade Cou ...

Following the summit between Trump and Putin, reaction from politicians, pundits and former intellig ...

A School of Communication associate professor played an important hand—an artistic one!—in World Cup ...

University of Miami law and political science professors weigh in on Trump’s SCOTUS nominee. ...

Research bioclimatologists with the UM Synoptic Climatology Lab counsel cities on how to manage risi ...

Miami junior wide receiver Ahmmon Richards was among those named to the watch list for the 2018 Bile ...

University of Miami junior running back Travis Homer was named a preseason candidate for the Doak Wa ...

Six former Canes competed on NBA Summer League teams, with three averaging at least 10 points per ga ...

Quick Hits gives University of Miami volleyball fans an opportunity to get to know the new student-a ...

The University of Miami's volleyball team earned the American Volleyball Coaches Association (A ...

TMH Twitter
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.