Dear V

Dear V: New to hookups

Dear V,

I’m a freshman guy in college and I’m pretty chill. I go to parties, drink, have fun with friends and all that good stuff – there’s just one thing … I’m a virgin. I’m not inexperienced with girls, though. I grew up in a rural area where everyone was religious, so I enjoyed the time I spent with the girls I dated – but it never went further than that. They wanted to wait until marriage. Now, coming to a major city for college where no-strings-attached hookups are not only assumed, but also almost expected of me during these next four years, I’m feeling culture shock. I want to put myself out there and mess around a little bit, but I’m afraid of making, well, a mess. Casual hookups aren’t in my field of expertise and I’m hoping to avoid as many awkward run-ins as possible. How would you recommend I go about trying this out?


First-Time Freshman

Dear Freshie,

Unfortunately, there’s no cut-and-dried method to hooking up. Hookups are innately complicated – there’s awkward eye contact passing them on the way to class, there’s the realization that you and your bud are Eskimo brothers – the list is endless. Next semester, you might end up doing a group project with a girl who called you the wrong name in bed.

If you want to try hookups, you’ll have to deal with run-ins.

You could be a casual partaker and only have a fling when you’re trapped in a dry spell and date other girls on the side, or one-night stands could become part of your weekend routine. So long as everything that goes on between the sheets is protected, sober and consensual, nobody should concern themselves over your bedroom business but you.

However, judging from your mixed emotions, it sounds like you enjoyed dating in high school. Contrary to what pop culture would have you think, plenty of girls here in Miami can appreciate a good ol’ movie and dinner date, too.

Don’t be in such a rush to give it away if that’s not your style. Sure, hookups are fun and no strings attached makes things simple. By all means, go for it. But, if your virginity means something to you, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. The right moment (and girl) will come along soon enough.

It may seem like all of your friends have mastered the art of “Netflix and chill” without you, but I guarantee the majority of them are listening to Beyonce’s “Feeling Myself” alone instead of getting frisky.

Do whatever is best for you and don’t worry about what anybody else is doing when (if) they get freaky.


September 13, 2015



Advice Columnist

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