Dear V

Dear V: Living in a virtual reality

V,

The last few weeks, my boyfriend has been a bit obsessive over his computer. I don’t mean that he’s playing around with the hardware or even playing too many PC games.

Rather, he’s been watching too many videos of the X-rated variety. Now, I know that this is normal and I don’t want to get involved in his personal business. However, it’s starting to interfere with our own time for intimacy, not to mention I feel like I’m not satisfying him. I need to confront him about this issue.

What should I say?

Sincerely,

Three-Dimensional Girlfriend

Dear Three-Dimensional Girlfriend,

Stop sprinkling your question with euphemisms – your boyfriend watches too much porn.

You’re starting to feel left out of the (widescreen) picture and it’s no question why.

Your guy is spending less time in the sack with a real-life girl and more time in a fantasy world of bikini-clad, bronzed-up video babes getting a delivery from the frisky pizza boy packing extra sausage.

You could always take the sneaky route of changing the Wi-Fi password or draining your beau’s battery. If you do decide to get crafty, make sure to switch that password to something your boyfriend won’t think of, like “StopWatchingPorn69,” or “RedTubeIsn’tReal123.”

He’ll never guess those.

Perhaps you could start watching a few of those naughty flicks yourself and see if he bats an eye when you’re suddenly not in the mood for companionship later that night.

Or, start talking up that guy at work who’s always had his eye on you and see if he’s irked that you’re paying another dude more attention.

If these methods don’t work, there’s always V’s preferred method: brutal honesty.

Someday, preferably when the power goes out, pull your guy away from his desk and tell him that the tissues – I mean, issues – are starting to get out of hand.

Break it to him that you can’t continue a relationship with someone who prefers movies to live-action all the time and suggest that maybe you two spice up the activities in the bedroom in order to reduce the allure of the screen.

If your boyfriend doesn’t bite, you could always watch a few films together. Make it a bonding experience.

If nothing works, remember there are more fish in the sea. With a new guy, you’ll feel like the star of the show instead of an extra in the background.

V

April 15, 2015

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


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