Dear V

Dear V: Wearing a belt with no notches


Recently, I’ve been dating a guy and we’ve hit it off. We get along and have fun when we’re together. However, there’s something about me he doesn’t know … I’m a virgin. I know that it’s not bad to never have had sex, but I lied about it when we first started seeing each other to make it sound like I’m just as experienced as he is, since he’s been with a lot of girls. He’s probably going to want to be physical soon, and I don’t blame him. I want to be intimate, too. Should I tell him it’s my first time, or should I just go for it and hope he doesn’t find out?


Little White Lie

Dear Little White Lie,

You’re obviously not as comfy as you say you are with this guy if you felt you had to lie about your experience to him. There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin, and it’s good that you’re waiting to see if you feel happy enough with him before you give it away.

However, you should probably tell your guy your “Dirty Little Secret” before it’s too late.

Of course, it’s really none of his business who you have (or haven’t) been with, anyway. But since you already spilled the beans that you’d seen someone before, he’s not going to think twice about crawling into the sheets with you.

Once you’ve been with a few people, the stage fright goes away. If he doesn’t know any better, he’ll think it’s just another tussle in the sack.

If you want your first time to be special, give him a heads up.

Yeah, it’s scary that he might go MIA when he learns the truth. Nobody likes to feel like they’ve scared someone off. Unless you’re studying “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days,” that feeling can leave you hurt and a bit jaded.

You shouldn’t spend this entire relationship maintaining a lie and telling him stories of exes you’ve never had. You’ve got to do what Hilary Duff does best and “Come Clean.”

Plus, maybe he’ll make it a great experience for you. Any guy who knows he’s your first will want to leave a good impression. He’ll take it a bit slower, and you’ll ultimately have a much better time than if you’d pretended to know the ropes and improvised.

Any guy who runs for the hills after you tell him you’re a virgin isn’t the guy you should have your first time with, anyway.


April 12, 2015



Advice Columnist

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