Dear V

Dear V: Taking it too far


In high school, I was super shy and didn’t take any risks. Now, as a freshman, I’m trying to break out of my shell. I’ve done well making friends, but I’m hoping to start dating. I’ve tried flirting with some guys, but I went too far last weekend. I was at a house party, and this guy in my biology class made small talk with me. He was just being friendly, but I had too much to drink and told him how hot I thought he was and groped him. I was so embarrassed. He seemed to be flattered, but I don’t want him to think I’m that type of girl. What should I do to fix this?


Miss Cop-a-feel

Dear Miss Cop-a-feel,

You violated Fergie’s golden rule: “You can look, but you can’t touch it.”

A guy needs to feel like his “humps” are sacred – just like a girl’s are.

I’m sure if a guy you’re not close with got handsy with you at a party, you’d feel creeped out – and maybe even scared.

Sure, he may have acted like it was all right, but he could have been putting up with it just so you’d go away.

Of course, there’s a chance he’s into you too, but that’s not the way to win a guy over when you’re getting to know him. If you want somebody to respect you, you’ve got to respect them as well.

Let’s talk damage control.

Don’t make this worse than it already is. Apologize as soon as you can, but don’t make excuses.

Being drunk doesn’t excuse your behavior, no matter how much you wish it did. I have fist-hand knowledge of the kind of courage that comes with wine Wednesdays but let’s practice some self control here. You drink the night away as long as you maintain your composure. Nobody likes a sloppy drunk.

I’d make your apology as lighthearted as possible, but still sincere. After apologizing, say, “I suppose the drinks made me forget you can’t just straight up tell somebody you find them attractive.” That way, if he is into you, he can make a move. Being able to laugh it off is key so don’t take yourself too seriously.

Don’t get your hopes up, though. There’s no time machine for you to go back and fix your mistake. But at the very least,  you’ll have a great anecdote for the next time you find yourself in a social situation.

Still, just apologize, see how he responds and go from there.


February 22, 2015



Advice Columnist

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