V's Take

Dear V: Taking it too far

V,

In high school, I was super shy and didn’t take any risks. Now, as a freshman, I’m trying to break out of my shell. I’ve done well making friends, but I’m hoping to start dating. I’ve tried flirting with some guys, but I went too far last weekend. I was at a house party, and this guy in my biology class made small talk with me. He was just being friendly, but I had too much to drink and told him how hot I thought he was and groped him. I was so embarrassed. He seemed to be flattered, but I don’t want him to think I’m that type of girl. What should I do to fix this?

Sincerely,

Miss Cop-a-feel

Dear Miss Cop-a-feel,

You violated Fergie’s golden rule: “You can look, but you can’t touch it.”

A guy needs to feel like his “humps” are sacred – just like a girl’s are.

I’m sure if a guy you’re not close with got handsy with you at a party, you’d feel creeped out – and maybe even scared.

Sure, he may have acted like it was all right, but he could have been putting up with it just so you’d go away.

Of course, there’s a chance he’s into you too, but that’s not the way to win a guy over when you’re getting to know him. If you want somebody to respect you, you’ve got to respect them as well.

Let’s talk damage control.

Don’t make this worse than it already is. Apologize as soon as you can, but don’t make excuses.

Being drunk doesn’t excuse your behavior, no matter how much you wish it did. I have fist-hand knowledge of the kind of courage that comes with wine Wednesdays but let’s practice some self control here. You drink the night away as long as you maintain your composure. Nobody likes a sloppy drunk.

I’d make your apology as lighthearted as possible, but still sincere. After apologizing, say, “I suppose the drinks made me forget you can’t just straight up tell somebody you find them attractive.” That way, if he is into you, he can make a move. Being able to laugh it off is key so don’t take yourself too seriously.

Don’t get your hopes up, though. There’s no time machine for you to go back and fix your mistake. But at the very least,  you’ll have a great anecdote for the next time you find yourself in a social situation.

Still, just apologize, see how he responds and go from there.

V­­

February 22, 2015

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

A six-pack of Canes notes on a Thursday: ▪ Draft-eligible Canes players are getting increasing recog ...

Three days after the University of Miami announced that defensive line coach Craig Kuligowski was le ...

Not only are the Hurricanes in the mix for at least five high-end running backs for the 2019 class, ...

After assembling one of the nation’s best groups of skill position players in the 2018 recruiting cl ...

Coach Kool, AKA Craig Kuligowski, is gone from the University of Miami, which is entirely uncool wit ...

The popular Christian minister preached to more people than any other evangelist in history. ...

A vigil on the University of Miami campus, organized by UM students who graduated from Marjory Stone ...

The latest speaker in the popular lecture series at the Rosenstiel School, Jeff Goodell, shared insi ...

At the University of Miami, the professor has the last word on whether students can use their laptop ...

Members of the University of Miami first response teams remind us of resources available and what to ...

The University of Miami men's tennis team (5-2) returns to the court on Friday at 4 p.m., as it ...

Continuing a season-opening, seven-game homestand, No. 24 Miami is looking for its second straight s ...

Former Hurricane guard signs 10-day contract with Indiana Pacers. ...

For the second straight game, Miami's starting pitcher looked in dominant form through the firs ...

The University of Miami track and field team will compete against fellow conference members at the 2 ...

TMH Twitter Feed
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.