Dear V

Dear V: Taking it too far

V,

In high school, I was super shy and didn’t take any risks. Now, as a freshman, I’m trying to break out of my shell. I’ve done well making friends, but I’m hoping to start dating. I’ve tried flirting with some guys, but I went too far last weekend. I was at a house party, and this guy in my biology class made small talk with me. He was just being friendly, but I had too much to drink and told him how hot I thought he was and groped him. I was so embarrassed. He seemed to be flattered, but I don’t want him to think I’m that type of girl. What should I do to fix this?

Sincerely,

Miss Cop-a-feel

Dear Miss Cop-a-feel,

You violated Fergie’s golden rule: “You can look, but you can’t touch it.”

A guy needs to feel like his “humps” are sacred – just like a girl’s are.

I’m sure if a guy you’re not close with got handsy with you at a party, you’d feel creeped out – and maybe even scared.

Sure, he may have acted like it was all right, but he could have been putting up with it just so you’d go away.

Of course, there’s a chance he’s into you too, but that’s not the way to win a guy over when you’re getting to know him. If you want somebody to respect you, you’ve got to respect them as well.

Let’s talk damage control.

Don’t make this worse than it already is. Apologize as soon as you can, but don’t make excuses.

Being drunk doesn’t excuse your behavior, no matter how much you wish it did. I have fist-hand knowledge of the kind of courage that comes with wine Wednesdays but let’s practice some self control here. You drink the night away as long as you maintain your composure. Nobody likes a sloppy drunk.

I’d make your apology as lighthearted as possible, but still sincere. After apologizing, say, “I suppose the drinks made me forget you can’t just straight up tell somebody you find them attractive.” That way, if he is into you, he can make a move. Being able to laugh it off is key so don’t take yourself too seriously.

Don’t get your hopes up, though. There’s no time machine for you to go back and fix your mistake. But at the very least,  you’ll have a great anecdote for the next time you find yourself in a social situation.

Still, just apologize, see how he responds and go from there.

V­­

February 22, 2015

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • Error

He’s all grown up. Yet University of Miami defensive end Scott Patchan is only 20. Two reconstructiv ...

Michael Rumph, former Cane cornerback and current cornerbacks coach, has mentioned, along with every ...

N’Kosi Perry, definitely on the quiet side, met the media for the first time on Monday. He’s the Mia ...

On a day in which University of Miami football coach Mark Richt said veteran quarterbacks Malik Rosi ...

Week three of fall camp began today, and the first practice after Saturday’s first scrimmage of camp ...

María de Lourdes Dieck-Assad, a world-renowned economist and former ambassador, fills a new role for ...

Through the U Dreamers Grant, DACA students find essential support as they pursue their college degr ...

Former University of Miami Dean of Students William W. ‘Bill’ Sandler, Jr. passed away on August 6 a ...

Researchers use a powerful technique known as Interferometric Synthetic Aperture Radar to show an in ...

UM’s First Star Academy supports foster care youth. ...

RSS Error: A feed could not be found at http://www.hurricanesports.com/. A feed with an invalid mime type may fall victim to this error, or SimplePie was unable to auto-discover it.. Use force_feed() if you are certain this URL is a real feed.

TMH Twitter Feed
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly on Thursdays during the regular academic year.