Dear V

Dear V: When pickup lines push too far

Dear V,

So last night, I was at a frat party and a guy came up to me. We started talking, but I wasn’t into it. As I started to walk away, he stopped me and asked for my number. When I wouldn’t give it to him, he grabbed my arm and said, “Have you ever seen the movie ‘Taken?’ If I don’t get your number, it’s going to be like that.” I was really freaked out, and he quickly apologized. I know he was probably just kidding, but sadly, this isn’t the worst line I’ve heard. What do I say when guys fail at chatting me up?

Sincerely,

Not Down with the Pickup (Lines)

Dear Liam Neeson,

Wow. I’ve heard a lot of poor pickups, but that one is definitely up there. If I were you, I would have dumped my jungle juice on him.

Unfortunately, the reality is that pickup lines are something you can’t escape,  like jury duty or taxes. Unless you plan to hide in your dorm room forever, you’re going to have to get used to it.

However, getting used to it doesn’t mean you have to accept it. Some guys seem to genuinely believe that pickup lines are compliments. Maybe some of them are.

But when a guy starts threatening you to get your number, he has officially crossed into creepy-guy territory.

Obviously, the easiest thing to do is to walk away – the faster, the better. As soon as you start getting that “I’m-going-to-send-Albanian-mobsters-after-you” vibe, it’s time to dip. Plan an exit strategy in advance with your girls.

Whether it’s an SOS text or an elaborate hand signal, make sure they know when it’s time to drag you to the bathroom.

If you prefer taking the more confrontational route, it might be good to come up with some anti-pickup lines to respond with. For example, “Did you fall from heaven? ‘Cuz so did Lucifer.”

However, any guy who uses “Taken” for a pickup line might be immune to sarcasm.

There are two very choice words that have a pretty high success rate when it comes to dismissing people from your presence. Or three, if you want to get really colorful.

If all else fails, I stand by my first suggestion: spray him with beer. After that, guys will probably stop asking for your number.

V

February 8, 2015

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


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