Dear V

Dear V: Commencement or commitment?

V,

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other since freshman year, and we’re both set to graduate in May. Before we left for winter break, he brought up the idea of marriage. He pointed out that we’re going to have to start considering the future, and he seems to think the best way to ensure we stay together after graduation is to get married right away. I really love him, but I’m not sure if I’m ready for that kind of commitment at 22. I feel like a horrible person because, if I loved him as much as I say I do, I would want to get married … wouldn’t I?

Sincerely,

Say Maybe to the Ring

Dear Runaway Bride,

First of all, I just have to ask – are you and your boyfriend unicorns? Because remaining in a relationship for four years in a time when sexting counts as intimacy is impressive. Congrats on your commitment – my focus barely extends through a whole “Game of Thrones” episode.

That being said, being in love at 22 doesn’t mean it’s going to be forever, despite what the love lists on Elite Daily tell you. I don’t think that swapping your graduation gown for a wedding dress is the necessary next step, even in a long-term relationship. Your 20s are your time to explore and grow. Not saying you can’t do that with the old ball and chain around, but do you really want to be the 22-year-old with a hubby?

I would sit your boy down and tell him that your senior year is about grad school apps, not seating charts. Explain how you’re feeling. I’m told that those mythical long-term relationships only last with communication. Now is definitely an important time to speak up – unless you want the next time the subject comes up to be when he passes you a bread roll with an engagement ring shoved in it.

If your relationship is as great as you think it is, then I’m confident you guys will figure it out. Maybe start with a smaller step, like moving in together or getting a pet turtle. In lasting relationships (and marriages), convos like this are the norm. And if he takes the rejection too hard, then think of it this way – better you see it now than after you’ve said “I do.”

V

January 21, 2015

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


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