V's Take

Three steps to avoiding the turkey drop

It’s Nov. 3, which means we are weeks away from the worst and most heartbreaking week of the year: the Turkey Drop.

The Turkey Drop is something that only people who have dealt with it know about, sort of like how only the First World complains about not having pants on when the Domino’s guy comes.

Every year, when all of the college freshmen go back home for Thanksgiving break, their long-distance relationships get snapped in half by one of the lovers who decided they couldn’t handle it.

These evil people made one of the following conclusions:

1. “I think we’re growing apart.”

2. “I don’t have enough time to make it work.”

3. “I think you deserve better.”

4. All of the above, though these excuses are pretty low.

In my experience, long-distance relationships are doomed time-bombs that make less sense than the dining hall serving “Chicken Fried Chicken,” but I digress.

Regardless, I want you to succeed and be happy. Love is beautiful, and I will not shun it for you.

Therefore, here are my “Three Steps to Avoiding the Turkey Drop in November.”

Give her space

Don’t let her associate you with watchful, judgmental parenting. Give her the trust and comfort to live freely without you breathing down her neck.

You don’t have to text and call every day. You each should be developing your own lives separate from each other. That is healthy.

And then when you do get to converse, you will have even more to talk about, and it will feel much more relaxed and enjoyable.

Make sure her new friends like you

It’s weird when all of a sudden you are lunged into a fresh environment, and the people you deem your closest friends are light-years away from the peeps you’re used to.

Well, so are your gal’s. So you better make sure they like you.

Send your female chocolatey foods to munch on. Ask your lady what shimmy’s friend’s think of you so you can reassess your performance as a relationship-partaker.

There’s always more constructive criticism to take, and, just as with anything you want to succeed in, you should always want to hear it.

Let her go out

Don’t get nervous if one fine Thursday she says, “Me and the girls are heading to a new club over on West Ave.”

You have to trust your lover, and you have to let your lover know and see that. Give her the chance to fly, and she will hopefully fly back.

If she doesn’t, she wasn’t worth it anyway. Or, she got stuck in a tree.

All in all, make sure you adhere to the three pillars of all successful relationships: trust, understanding and communication, and you will be dandy.

So keep it together and give your best effort, so you don’t have to let that turkey bass drop.


November 2, 2014



Advice Columnist

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